Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 2 USERS: B-
The Tribulation Of Saint Kurt

And as a series of glum-looking Cheerios haul Sue's largest trophy back to her old office from The Once And Future Lair Of The Maharishi, Saint Kurt drama-queens, "Well, I guess I'll try to enjoy the rest of the day, before the terror starts anew." SHUT UP, NANCY. Oh, that felt good. Maybe I should have kept telling him to cram it all the way through this thing. In any event, Burt and Carole look at each other, silently reach a decision, and ask Saint Kurt to hold up for a second, as there's something they'd like to discuss with him.

Music room. Saint Kurt enters shortly after the bell has rung and, after receiving permission from Mr. Schue, addresses his fellows as follows: "First, I wanted to thank everyone for what you did at my dad's wedding, especially Finn. It's nice to know that I have great friends here, as well as a true brother, which is why it's so hard for me to leave." Were there an actual record playing in the background, this is where we'd get the needle scratch. "What do you mean, 'leave'?" Quinn asks. "I'm transferring to Dalton Academy," Saint Kurt announces. "My parents are using the money they saved up for their honeymoon to pay for the tuition." Oh, my God, I hate him SO MUCH right now. Not only did he somehow connive to make his parents' entire wedding All About Him, he's now successfully conspired to rob them of their honeymoon? I know I said this before, but if the little shit would just stop blowing all of his father's money on Issey Miyake originals, he'd be able to afford tuition at Dalton and tuition at college and tuition for his goddamned Master's and Ph.D. Spoiled little obnoxious sack of crap.

Whatever. Lamentations arise from the peanut gallery on the risers, but it's only Rachel -- God love her -- who's able to think of a truly relevant question: "Um, does this mean you're going to be competing against us at Sectionals?" Heh. Mercedes rises from her chair to plead with him to stay, but Saint Kurt's made up his mind, and he stalks off into this evening's final blackout alone.

Fucking martyr.

Next week: Sectionals! Gee, I wonder if they'll win, even though they've spent all of zero hours this season preparing for it? Hmmm?

Demian has a big problem, and surprisingly enough, it's not with Single-T Tina's promo ensemble. You may throw things at him at

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