Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 2 USERS: B-
The Tribulation Of Saint Kurt

Smear sideways to the WOHN news studios for a recent edition of "Sue's Corner." "Which is why I just prefer to think of the homeless as outdoorsy!" Sue grins before concluding, "So shine on, urban campers! You smell like adventure!" And that's how Sue Cs it. Over at the anchor desk, Rod Remington unctuously congratulates Sue on yet another insightful segment, then notes he'd like to make an announcement. Andrea Carmichael, who'd been silently and vapidly smiling at Rod's side, interrupts to coo, "Rod and I are engaged!" As Andrea shoves her ring towards the cameras, Sue's jaw drops with shock. "I popped the question in my building's common-use hot tub," Rod overshares. "Boo-ya!" "Not to worry, ladies," he adds, "it's an open marriage. We'll be right back!" The instant the booth cuts to commercial, Sue storms over to seethe, "How dare you humiliate me like that? People know you and I dated!" "You can't tame the tiger," Rod incomprehensibly replies. "You've read my tattoos," he reminds her, still not making any sense. "Face it, Sue," Andrea smugs, "you're never gonna find someone, and you're gonna die alone."

Smear sideways again to what I'm guessing is Sue's apartment, later that very same evening. "So I decided to try online dating," Sue's voiceover narrates as the camera drifts across the profile she's just set up for herself on The things this "27-year-old" "legend" is most passionate about include "extreme taxidermy," "tantric yelling," and "poking the elderly with hidden pins." "There was only one match for Sue Sylvester," the voiceover notes with what sounds like an immense amount of pride. "One Sue Sylvester!"

Smear back to the present, where "Be My Baby" is now in full swing as Sue licks a vanity postage stamp featuring her own inimitable image and affixes it to an envelope addressed to "President and Mrs. Barack Obama." "So thanks, eDesperate!" her voiceover all but sings. "I'm over the moon -- or maybe I'm a little high from all this adhesive -- but I wanna scream from the highest mountain: Sue Sylvester is marrying herself!" Just go with it, because it's the justification for Carol Burnett's presence in this episode, and as Carol Burnett's presence is about the only thing this episode can count in its favor, I'm more than inclined to let this plot point's complete and total insanity slide. The invitations, by the way, read simply, "Sue Sylvester invites you to the wedding of Sue Sylvester and Sue Sylvester," and "Be My Baby" ratchets up in volume as Sue examines one of them with what can only be described as an expression of exultant triumph.

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