Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 1 USERS: A+
The Tribulation Of Saint Kurt

Music room. Rachel's convened a meeting of the Glee Gals to discuss the Karofsky situation, because the script says she's supposed to care about it this week. "Kurt's miserable!" she exclaims. "He's losing weight, and not in the good way, and he's barely even fighting me for solos anymore!" The camera's panned across her audience during all of that, and we can see that Rachel's actually summoned only Brittany, Quinn, and Single-T Tina, and just as I wonder where the other two are, Rachel states, "We're all lucky enough to have boyfriends on the football team, and I say we band together and demand that they confront Karofsky!" First off, Quinn would like to remind everyone that she's not actually dating Lady Lips, and secondly, she's convinced Rachel "just set the feminist movement back fifty years." Rachel counters that "guys like Karofsky only respond to muscle," leading Quinn to snark something about perpetuating the cycle of violence until Single-T Tina addresses a far more important issue. "I'm confused," she interjects, leaning over to look Brittany in the eye. "Are you and Artie officially dating?" "Deal with it," Brittany bluntly replies, apparently fronting for Rachel's benefit, for Brittany next leans behind Quinn to whisper at Tina -- loudly -- "When you guys fooled around, did he ever just, like, lie there?" Hee.

Just then, Santana stomps in to confront Rachel over her exclusion from this very important Glee Gals meeting, and we're reminded of two things: One, no one believes Santana and Puck are actually dating; and two, Puck can still get sent back to juvie, so he's useless as far as the proposed Karofsky smackdown goes. "So, now, if you'll excuse us?" Rachel snots. "You're so on my list, dwarf!" Santana snots right back before flouncing on out of there, and I mention that threat only because it might become important later. With Santana gone, Rachel babbles something about Saint Kurt's safety, or whatever, just as the bell rings to boot us over to...

...The Once And Future Lair Of The Maharishi, where Sue's berating a wedding planner who looks an awful lot like Julianne Moore, but none of that's important right now because what actually is important is the fact that Sue intends to marry herself. As in, she'll be officiating at the ceremony, likely thanks to an ordination certificate she picked up on the Internets. The Juliannealike clearly can't handle any of Sue's batshit, so Sue fires The Juliannealike with extreme prejudice. "You are out of your depth," Sue sneers, "and nothing is too good for Sue Sylvester!" "That's one way to look at it!" Carol Burnett calls out from Sue's office door. Carol Burnett introduces herself to The Juliannealike as Sue's mother, Doris Sylvester, and proves her Sylvester bona fides by then giving The Juliannealike a quick once-over and guessing, "I bet people say you look mannish, but you know something? I think it's perfectly all right for a woman to be handsome." The Juliannealike flees, leaving the Sylvester women alone to hug.

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