Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 1 USERS: A+
The Tribulation Of Saint Kurt

Hall. Much to Rachel's extremely loud consternation, Finn refuses to join the others in taking a stand against Karofsky. Why? I'll let Frankenteen himself explain: "Karofsky plays right guard -- if he gets pissed at me, I'm gonna get sacked more times than Jay Cutler, which means we're gonna lose, which means Beiste is gonna make Sam quarterback." Does anyone care about any of this? Didn't think so. Next!

Locker room. Artie and Gaylord Weiner confront Karofsky at the latter's locker, ordering him to lay off Saint Kurt, now. Because Karofsky likely takes bigger dumps than Artie and Gaylord mashed together, the closet case is unsurprisingly unintimidated, and he shoves Gaylord backwards into Artie's chair. The two of them go toppling to the floor, so Lady Lips launches himself at Karofsky's throat, and manly tussling ensues until Coach Beiste arrives to break it all up just in time for the next commercial break. Hey, this show's supposed to be a musical comedy, right? So where the fuck is the music?

Music room. Aftermath. Quinn applies an icepack to Sam's blackened eye as the others gossip about what went down in the locker room, with both Mercedes and Santana pointedly wondering where Finn was while Karofsky kicked nerdy Glee Club ass. Finn lies that he was still out on the field, and there's some unimportant chatter about Sam's outstanding display of leadership, or whatever, that only serves to make Frankenteen feel worse about himself, and then Saint Kurt masochistically pipes up that it's all his cross to bear alone, and Mr. Schue finally enters to start rehearsal, and is this episode over yet? It isn't? Shit.

Oh, wait. I take that back, because we're at long last getting a production number, and as it promises to prominently feature Carol Burnett, I'm thinking it's going to kick more nerdy Glee Club ass than Karofsky did in the locker room. We've cut over to the brand-new auditorium set to find Sue cooling her heels onstage with Tinkles and about a dozen kids from McKinley's orchestra. Carol Burnett eventually enters, and she introduces what follows to Sue like so: "I know you always resented my leaving, but I don't think you ever truly appreciated the sacrifices I made to be a famous Nazi hunter! I don't think you ever thought about how hard it was on me, so this is the song I'm going to sing at your wedding." With that, she passes a sheaf of sheet music over to Sue, who glances at the title and rolls her eyes as her mother summons Tinkles to the piano. "I know you know it," Carol Burnett trills, taking her place center stage, "and it's one of my favorites -- hit it!" With that, she launches herself into "Ohio" from Wonderful Town. After the first verse, Sue joins in on harmony, and I couldn't be more delighted that this show resurrected this particular little-known tune, though upon rewatch, the changes they made to the patter at the song's center to give it Glee-specific relevance do seem a little forced. But, you know, let's face it: The changes here are miles above the crap they shoehorned into "Rose's Turn" for Kurt, so I should probably knock it off with the criticism.

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