In Ohio: Emma has, of course, disappeared in the wake of the last episode's abortive nuptials, and Will has, of course, given up on looking for her, because Will now completely sucks as a character. This means Bloaty The Gravy Clown must once again waddle to Mr. Schue's rescue, which he does by finagling Miss Pillsbury's current coordinates out of her still-bizarre parents, and after Mr. Schue wins his errant bride back with some grand romantic gesture I didn't exactly bother to watch, the two adults agree to something I didn't exactly bother to hear.
In New York: The magnificent Santana Lopez rifles through her new roommates' belongings -- as you do -- and while she mistakenly decides Dean Geyer's a coke dealer after finding a wad of a cash and a pager in his coat, she correctly decides Old Idiot Rachel's knocked up after finding that pee stick in the trash. The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway immediately starts blubbering about her now-occupied uterus, but we'll have to wait a week or so for resolution on all of that, because this evening's episode was awfully light on the plot points.
In Other News: St. Gay Of Lima's rebound relationship with Meth Head Grandpa is already on the (crack) rocks, Frankenteen informs Mr. Schue of The Kiss, and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Featuring a variety of songs from various celluloid classics, including an utterly charming black-and-white dream sequence set to the tune of "You're All The World To Me" from Royal Wedding, as performed by Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury; a thoroughly embarrassing version of "Shout" from Animal House, as performed by the children of The New New Directions with Dreamboat Blaine and Brit-Brit sharing primary vocal duties; an appropriately consumptive "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge!, as performed by Dreamboat Blaine and St. Gay Of Lima; a medley on the apparent theme of "Thoroughly Unappealing Midgets With Inexplicably Lengthy Hollywood Careers" that includes Top Gun's "Danger Zone" and Risky Business's "Old Time Rock And Roll," as performed by The Glee Guys with Dreamboat Blaine and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen on lead; this noted medley of "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" and "Material Girl," also from Baz Luhrmann's Moulin Rouge!, as performed by Not-So-Unique and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel with an assist from the other Glee Gals; Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes," as featured in Say Anything..., here performed by Mr. Schue with doo-woppy backup helpfully provided by the children of The New New Directions; "Unchained Melody" from this penetrating examination of forbidden love in the California penal system, as befittingly performed by New Puck, New Finn, and a sloppy lump of wet clay; and the infamously awful "Footloose" from the infamously awful film(s) of the same name, as performed by the children of The New New Directions with solos from Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen and Artie.
"Ha-ha!" a slickly attired Will fake-laughs to open the evening as he escorts a similarly attired Emma into a rather spare, white-paneled room with pronounced Art Deco accents. "Every Jack and Jill at The Carousel Club couldn't take their peepers off of you tonight!" he gaily continues. "Oh, applesauce!" Emma modestly pshaws by way of reply as she settles herself into a plushly upholstered chair. "Honest Injun!" Will swears, and you'll forgive me, I'm sure, for skipping the rest of this opening patter, because it's already made me positively homicidal, and we're barely eight seconds into this evening's presentation.
As noted above, both Will and Emma are rather slickly attired in almost-matching tuxedos, though Will's missing his jacket for whatever reason, and while I'm guessing Emma's going for a Dietrich-in-Morocco look, here, she's ended up far closer to Janelle Monáe, which is very sad for everyone.
In any event, Bad '30s Movie Parody Will hints at what's to come by claiming his love for Emma sends the world "topsy-turvy, like gravity was never invented" and as he offers her his hand...
...we cut to a black-and-white iris-out that's centered on the two in the center of the room, and what follows is a damn-near-perfect gem of a musical number. I've seriously watched this thing six times in a row, and I could easily watch it another dozen without getting tired of it. Basically, they've turned Fred Astaire's famous version of "You're All The World To Me" from Royal Wedding into a one long, single-take, deep-focus duet, and it's so well done, my brain pretty much shuts down every time I even attempt to comprehend all the work that went into getting it right. I'm utterly incapable of describing it, too, so just go ahead and watch it here if you missed it the first time around. Trust me, it's worth it. I think my favorite bits include the part where Matthew Morrison swoops under the desk to land on his feet on the opposite wall, and the part where he swings from the far chair for a little bit before hopping up to the ceiling, and the part where Jayma Mays turns herself into a rather curvaceous upside-down tchotchke while he does a little soft-shoe on the wall behind her. Abso-frigging-lutely delightful, and I absolutely mean that. And when it's over...