Girls (And Boys) On Film

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 8 USERS: B+
"We Have A Slight Coppery Odor"

...Real Will bolts upright atop his DVD-strewn bed, all but screaming himself awake from that opening dream sequence. He takes a sweaty, panting moment to collect himself and, after he's wearily shut off Royal Wedding on his TV, Will flops backwards into this evening's Moulin Rouge!-inflected title card.

Snap open on The McKinley High Music Room, where the assignment for the week is -- wait for it -- "MOVIES!!!" You know, because Mr. Schue's been watching a lot of them lately. God, he sucks. The assembled children don't seem to care too much about that, though, if their strenuously enthusiastic response to this week's half-assed assignment is anything to go by. "Unique knows all there is to know about The Crying Game!" Urethra Franklin shouts out amid the general revelry, because of course. Meanwhile, Pretty Kitty eyes Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel and hisses, "You don't get dibs on Les Miz just because you are the poster." Hee. "Finally!" Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen shouts, totally not getting it, at all. "I get to do my Nicolas Cage impression! Ahhh! Not the bees! Ahhhhh!" Mr. Schue somehow manages to restore order long enough to inform the children that this week's competition will also pit the genders against each other. Oh, and the songs they select must be medleys, so we're getting, like, three half-assed assignments for the price of one. Or something like that.

Artie rolls himself forward at this point to sweeten the deal by offering the winners "starring roles" in his inaugural "micro-budget feature," but as that particular part of this particular subplot is never mentioned again this evening, I don't know why I bothered making note of it. And as the children break into groups to work on their song choices -- Sugar Motta wants The Glee Gals to tackle The Artist so they don't have to sing -- Frankenteen lurches to his monstrous feet to drag Mr. Schue out into...

...The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High for a private chat about Miss Pillsbury's current whereabouts. Long story short, Mr. Schue still doesn't know where she's hidden herself, and as her parents continue to "stonewall" him, he's decided to abandon the search for now. Of course, Bloaty The Gravy Clown finds this unacceptable, even though it really is none of his fucking business in the first place, so after he needlessly makes reference to both Stand and Deliver and Zero Dark Thirty, he waddles off to...

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