Girls (And Boys) On Film

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | 8 USERS: B+
"We Have A Slight Coppery Odor"

...Coach Sylvester's office to ask for her help, because he's an idiot. "I assume she's checked into some ginger asylum somewhere now that she's escaped from Will Schuester's living doll house of the damned," Coach Sylvester opines, "but even if I were privy to that information -- even if I did know -- I certainly wouldn't divulge it to a flop-sweat-smelling, fake-teen-teaching, army-deserting, high-school-lurking, Sectionals-losing, special-needs-baby-hating..."

"...point is, Sue didn't know," Frankenteen admits. We've hopped back to the music room, where Bloaty The Gravy Clown is now enlisting the aid of Artie, even though all of this is still none of his fucking business in the first place. "What we have on our hands," Artie determines, "is a lady-manhunt: We need a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse, and doghouse." "Ain't nobody got time for that," Frankenteen buhs. "Then just talk to her parents," Artie shrugs. Eventually, Old Finn agrees to the plan.

Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High. Brit-Brit and Dreamboat Blaine skip on over to Single-T Tina, Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, New Puck, and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel to propose the following: Since it sort of sucks that The Glee Guys have once again been set against The Glee Gals, why don't they all get together to perform one cinematic classic together as a warm-up for the main event? The others find this an excellent idea, with Lady Lips suggesting they sing "Dream Warriors" from Nightmare On Elm Street and Single-T Tina opting for "Let The River Run" from Working Girl, while Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel recommends "Wind Beneath My Wings" from Beaches because Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel is actually a sixty-year-old gay man with a fondness for blousy Hawaiian shirts, chunky turquoise jewelry and fluffy little white dogs named Pickles. Shut up, you drippy snore.

Fortunately, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel's horrendous taste in music doesn't matter because Brit-Brit and Dreamboat Blaine have already chosen "the perfect movie song" -- one that is "totally iconic" and that "everyone loves," supposedly -- a thoroughly embarrassing rendition of "Shout" from Animal House that quickly takes everyone involved prancing through just about the entire school until it mercifully reaches its end in the cafeteria. It's bad, people. Not that the original's much better, of course, but still. I also think it's the most aggressively heterosexual song they've ever attempted on this show, and God knows that's not helping matters, either. It's just so viciously unpleasant that I suggest we all agree never to acknowledge its existence again, and instead, won't you join me as I blow right past it to land in...

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