...The Novak, where The Glee Gals are just now finishing their cosmetic preparations for this week's big competition number, and given the fact they're all dressed like this version of Marilyn Monroe, I'm gonna go out on a limb, here, and guess that they'll be performing "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" at some point in the next two or three minutes.
Before that happens, though, we must first toddle on down to Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel's end of the toilet for a brief exchange between herself and Pretty Kitty. "I have a confession to make," Kitty opens. "For the past six months, I've said behind your back and in front of your face that you're poor and fat and mousy and boring and you dress like Zack Galifianakis." She had me at "mousy and boring." "I apologize," Kitty continues, "but God made me, and He's not through with me yet, and besides! We're both dating Puckermans, and someday we'll be sisters-in-law and hanging out with Jews." Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel, because she is stupid and boring and an idiot, absorbs all of the above and decides to look guilt-stricken over the "dating Puckermans" bit, rather than frothy with rage over everything else. God, I hate her. "I saw that," Kitty speed-talks. "What's going on?" Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel looks around to make sure no one else is listening, then leans in to whisper, "If I tell you something, do you swear not to tell anyone?" Jesus Christ, she's a dumbass. Kitty crosses her fingers behind her back and vows on her mother's grave never to repeat what she's about to hear, because of course she does, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel! AUAUAUAUUUUGH! "Last week, Ryder kissed me!" Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel confides, and who the hell is Ryder? "Oh-em-gee!" Kitty gasps, dramatically covering her mouth with both hands as she does so. Then, after a pause, she asks, "Was he any good, or did his humongous donkey teeth bite into your lips?" Yeah, I still don't know who this Ryder person is. Thanks for nothing, Kitty.
In any event, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel insists that this Ryder person was a pretty good kisser, actually, but she's still in love with someone named "Jake," and she doesn't know what to do! "I completely get it," Kitty assures her, "and you're not a slut at all for playing both sides." Heh. Kitty then proceeds to give Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel the following piece of advice: "Boys are like lumps of coal -- they're dirty and cheap and they get hot when they're rubbed -- but some turn into diamonds, so collect as many as you can!" Her reasoning seems pretty sound to me, so let's move on to this evening's next big number, shall we?