...the curtain opening for Dreamboat Blaine's turn as Teen Angel, in which he croons his version of "Beauty School Dropout" to the divine Sugar Motta as the vividly-coiffed Frenchy. And as it's yet another exacting recreation of the movie version, I find myself bored nearly to tears. Though I suppose it would be remiss of me were I not to mention those couple of beats wherein Dreamboat Blaine's nearly thrown off his game thanks to a pair of surreptitious glances he steals of a stony-faced and martyrlicious St. Gay in the auditorium. So, you know, consider them mentioned. Naturally, Dreamboat Blaine recovers nicely from these momentary lapses, and the number's end is of course met with an enthusiastic round of applause from the audience.
Meanwhile, New Finn tiptoes into The Novak, where he finds Boring New Idiot Rachel attempting to hork up her small intestine because she is a fucking moron, and oh, for gross: Boring New Idiot Rachel left the toilet seat down. Who the hell voms with the goddamned toilet seat down? This disgusting dipshit, apparently, but that's not really all that important at the moment because what is important at the moment is the fact that New Finn is once again smoking hot with his spiffy little pompadour and his tight black tee and his SHOULDERS! and I am going straight to Hell, aren't I?
ANY-way, New Finn drags Boring New Idiot Rachel from the stall to lecture her about some wrestling-team cousin of his who crapped himself in the middle of a meet because he kept scarfing down laxatives to stay in a lower weight class, and it's a way cuter story than it has any right to be, mainly because OHMYGOD ARMS! but also because Boring New Idiot Rachel can't help but let loose with a cute little series of giggles once it's over. And after she promises never to shove her fingers down her throat again, New Finn and his alluringly wonky right eye exit to take their places for the big finale, leaving Boring New Idiot Rachel alone to drift her way through a shortened fantasy version of the "Sandra Dee" reprise that takes her from The Novak to backstage, where she, like, vows to become a slut so she can finally land a boyfriend, or something. I don't know. I do know, however, that Melissa Benoist sounds absolutely lovely in this little bit, so good for her.