Hummel Tires And Lube. Given the fact that there's a crapped-out 1948 Ford Deluxe convertible parked in the middle of the shop floor, we can all see where this is going, right? Right. So, New Finn, Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, New Puck, and No Longer New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name I Still Can't Be Bothered To Look Up arrive from points unknown to be greeted by Old Finn, Gaylord Wiener, and Artie, and after Old Bloaty delivers an inspirational speech I will not be bothering to transcribe, they eventually launch themselves into a rehearsal of "Greased Lightning," inconsistently bowdlerized lyrics and all. It comes exceptionally close to being a shot-by-shot remake of the original sequence in the movie -- mid-song switch into fantasy sequence and all -- and as I've always thought that number was skeevy and gross when it wasn't busy being pointless and dull, I have little to say about Glee's careful recreation of it here aside from this: Blake Jenner looks waaaaaay better with his vile Bieber-wannabe emo 'do all poofed up in a '50s pompadour. Like, hot, even, especially when he strips down to that tight black t-shirt of his. Woof.
And then I remember that Blake Jenner just turned twenty three months ago, and I feel completely disgusting about myself and proceed to shut up, which means I actually have absolutely nothing to say about this number at all.
Fake Drama School In New York, Blotto Dance Division. Idiot Rachel and St. Gay Of Lima help each other with their stretching exercises until St. Gay gets a "Grease update from Tina." "Apparently," St. Gay reads from the screen of his product-placed iPhone, "the girl playing Sandy has gained so much weight, she can't fit into her clothes." Nope, still not buying that asinine and insulting subplot full of fucking idiot morons, so let's see what The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway and St. Gay have to say about recent events in their own lives: Not much, it turns out, because both are still obsessed with their ex-boyfriends, to the point that they're seriously considering flying to Lima for the weekend just to see the school play. Fortunately, neither of them can really afford the trip. Unfortunately, Drunk Kate Hudson wobbles into the studio at this very moment to craftily deploy phase two of her earlier-concocted plan for revenge by offering Idiot Rachel and St. Gay use of her frequent flyer miles on JetBlue. They're worthless to her, after all, ever since she got herself banned from the airline after a "Bloody Mary-fueled panic attack at thirty thousand feet that resulted in the hospitalization of three flight attendants," so Idiot Rachel and St. Gay would be fools were they not to take advantage of Drunk Kate Hudson's entirely unexpected largesse. Naturally, The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway's too dumb to wonder why Drunk Kate Hudson's being so nice to her all of a sudden, so I guess she and St. Gay are heading back to Ohio.