Cut to the boys' locker room. And as several young gentlemen shower in the background, Coach Beiste welcomes the suitably-attired and freshly-affianced couple to the special Mayan wedding ceremony she's arranged for them. Coach Beiste got herself ordained on "a Mayan church website," you see, so she's perfectly qualified to perform the appropriate ritual. In the locker room. With naked teenaged boys showering in the background. Just thought I'd point that fact out again, in case you missed it the first time. She asks the children if they're certain they want to go through with it and, after Brit-Brit and Lady Lips solemnly nod their heads, Coach Beiste has them place their hands on a dusty old manuscript so they might recite their vows, which they of course wrote themselves:
Lady Lips: Brittany, I've always thought you were super-hot and really smart, but what I didn't know was that you were going to end up being my soul mate. Who knows what the future holds for us -- probably tsunamis and horrible sea monsters -- but now I'm not worried about that because I have you.
Brit-Brit: Sam, when you first joined The Glee Club, I didn't notice for a while. It wasn't until you did a Rich Little impression, and then told me it was a Rich Little impression, and explained who Rich Little was that I knew you were special. And I can't tell you how excited I am to become your Mayan Star Wife.
"You may kiss your bride," Coach Beiste smiles once they're done, and I...I...I'm sorry, but you'll have to excuse me for a moment. I think I have something in my eye.
Sniff. That was beautiful! Dammit -- you'll have to give me another minute, here.
Okay, I'm better. And just in time for an ominous "4 Days Later..." card to overwhelm the screen, too. Hooray! Flash to the newlyweds, happily ensconced in Brittany's Boudoir, as Lady Lips opens his laptop to discover it's December 22nd. "We survived The Apocalypse!" Lady Lips gawps. "We're also married," Brit-Brit reminds him. An absolutely agog Lady Lips dims his way into this evening's next commercial break.
Teachers' Lounge. Sue enters to find Coach Beiste devouring an entire chicken, and wonders what gives with the sudden fluster of activity around them. "Secret Santa," Coach Beiste slurs through a delicious-looking mouthful of poultry, and Sue thus has little choice but to draw a name from the hat that's now making the rounds. "Who the hell's 'Millie Rose'?" Sue wonders. Why, it's Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel's mother, of course! Who'd have guessed it? Besides everyone, of course.