"She never stopped because you never became friends!" a vaguely familiar voice calls out. It's A Wonderful Artie spins around on his freshly-functional heel to find The Leprechaun standing before him, and as The Leprechaun's line readings haven't improved at all since last we saw him, know this: For whatever trauma-related reason, It's A Wonderful Artie's brain decided to summon The Leprechaun to play the role of Clarence this evening, so we've got to put up with him and his awful line readings and his eminently punchable face until the end of this sequence. Sigh.

Anyway, as The Leprechaun guides It's A Wonderful Artie down the hall, he exposits that Real-World Artie's wish has been granted, so there was never any crippling car accident, and there was never any dumb wheelchair, and you can see where this is going, right? Excellent. The first person they meet is Becky, here playing the original movie's Violet Bick, if the original movie's Violet Bick had been a massively knocked-up cheerleader with Pippi Longstocking hair during the original movie's fantasy sequence. "Merry Christmas, stud!" Violet Bicky leers in It's A Wonderful Artie's direction. "Wanna fool around?" she offers, helpfully reminding him, "I can't get pregnant!" It's A Wonderful Artie finds this proposition distasteful in the extreme and, after he's waved Violet Bicky on her way, he turns to The Leprechaun for an explanation. "Becky's the school slut now," The Leprechaun sadly states. "Because I didn't take her on a ridiculously contrived date that one time?" It's A Wonderful Artie more-or-less gasps by way of response. "Yep!" The Leprechaun more-or-less confirms, and with that, they meander a little further down the hallway to find...

...Old Finn, New Finn, Gaylord Wiener, Old Puck and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen slamming the ever-suffering St. Gay Of Lima into a set of lockers. "Didn't we already cover this crap three years ago?" It's A Wonderful Artie demands. Or maybe that was me, and It's A Wonderful Artie instead blurts something about Little Steffi Germanotta that I'm going to ignore until Old Finn, New Finn, Gaylord Wiener, Old Puck and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen threaten him with similarly abusive behavior while vanishing down the hall. Once they're gone, St. Gay Of Lima bemoans The Boollying that prevented him from graduating on time until It's A Wonderful Artie bails on St. Gay's repetitive downer of an ass to demand help from Mr. Schue. One problem: Mr. Schue's blotto, for his failure to relaunch The Glee Club all those many years ago has driven him to drink. Atta boy.