Just then, Terri Schuester bursts into the Spanish room with a baby pressed against her bosom to blast her husband with death rays from her absolutely insane eyes and shout, "I need your paycheck before you blow it all on booze and flannel shirts!" "Sheets 'N' Things is having a big Christmas sale," she whines, "and we desperately need an air purifier for our moldy garbage-heap of an apartment!" "That's a doll!" It's A Wonderful Artie realizes, leading Crazy Terri to clutch the fake baby tighter to her chest while hissing, "Shhhh! He's so drunk, he doesn't know the difference!" Crazy Terri then proceeds to hit on It's A Wonderful Artie, because of course, so It's A Wonderful Artie artfully changes the subject to inquire as to Miss Pillsbury's current whereabouts, and it turns out she's moved to Hawaii with "her husband, Coach Tanaka." "It's a match made in heaven," Crazy Terri breathlessly insists before shooting a sharp-edged, "Right, honey?" at her inebriated lout of a spouse. Mr. Schue blearily agrees while handing over his meager earnings, and as It's A Wonderful Artie beats a hasty retreat from this madness, Crazy Terri nuzzles her imitation infant, and wow: This show made a massive mistake when it wrote out Jessalyn Gilsig, because she is freaking fantastic. Hee!

It's A Wonderful Artie next blunders into the school library, where he quite naturally runs into Old Idiot Rachel, who's been here assigned Donna Reed's role from the movie, and their interaction goes just the way it did in the original, right down to Old Idiot Rachel dropping into a dead faint when It's A Wonderful Artie gets all frantic and shouty, and then we somehow end up in...

...the auditorium, where The Leprechaun explains that everything's messed up because Real-World Artie and his squishy legs were "the glue of Glee," and I'm just gonna let that bold and blatantly incorrect assertion stand unchallenged because the recap of this sequence is already about a thousand words too long, and I haven't even hit Quinn's Fucking Wheelchair yet. Yeesh. ANY-way, and long story short: According to The Leprechaun, a Glee Club without Artie was doomed to fail before it ever really blah, blah, yada, so It's A Wonderful Artie decides to fix things now.