Okay, so Finn makes a grilled Cheesus sandwich on his sneaker-marred George Foreman grill, and makes a delicious deal with God in which he promises to have the Glee Club sing about God if God will just help the football team win its first game. After the team does win, with Artie playing the role of human battering ram, Finn makes his religious pitch to the club. Quinn and Mercedes are down with the idea, while Santana, Rachel and Kurt are hostile. And then everyone but Kurt comes around when Puck shows them that spiritual songs can include songs about trying to get into a Catholic girl's pants. But Kurt is so opposed to having other people's religious beliefs shoved down his throat that he sides with Sue in forcing the kids to take their spiritual songs off of public school property.
The religion angle connects both of our plots. In the really serious plot, Kurt's father has a heart attack, giving Chris Colfer another chance to show off his acting chops. Burt spends the rest of the episode in a coma, while Kurt feels more and more alienated from his friends because all they want to do is pray for his father. There's not a lot of action in this plot, but a whole lot of emoting, especially when Kurt sings a gorgeous, almost mournful rendition of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" to the Glee Club and we get a glimpse of his childhood with Burt. Kurt reconnects with his friends when Mercedes makes him realize that their prayers are a way for them to show concern and love, not an attempt to force him to change his beliefs. He even agrees to go to church with her. And then Burt wakes up from his coma.
In the much less serious plot, Finn decides that his grilled Cheesus has magic powers, and he keeps making wishes. First, the football victory. Second, a chance to get to second base with Rachel (which she allows to happen after he agrees to raise any future hypothetical children in the Jewish faith). Third, to become quarterback again. The last one happens when Finn convinces Sam to pick the wrong play during a game, resulting in Sam's shoulder being dislocated and Finn having to step back into the QB shoes. But getting his prayers answered at such a steep price to Sam makes Finn question his faith in his dairy deity, so he gives up the church of the panini.
Featuring R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion"; "Papa, Can You Hear Me?," originally performed by Barbra Streisand; "One of Us," originally performed by Joan Osborne; Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge over Troubled Water"; "I Look to You," originally performed by Whitney Houston; The Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand"; and Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young." And if Ryan Murphy doesn't cut down on the number of songs to spare the cast, I wish he would just so I don't have to keep finding all these links.
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Previously, on Glee... it doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, it's not like this show runs on continuity. All you have to remember is that Sue has an older special-needs sister living in a care facility. And that Coach Beiste succumbed to Lima Fever, went insane, and put Artie on the football team.
The episode starts right up with a Finn voice-over. Basically, he explains (while the camera shows us) that he made a grilled cheese sandwich. And he excuses the prop department's inability to get grill marks on the sandwich by telling us that he kind of ruined the family's George Foreman grill by using it to dry his sneakers once. But lo and behold, when Finn raises the lid of the grill, he sees not just a delicious grilled cheese sandwich -- he sees a delicious grilled cheese sandwich with some dark spots in the corner that kind of resemble the face of a long-haired, bearded, Semitic man. So either Jesus, or a hippy. Finn knows which it is, though, and he pronounces the sandwich a Grilled Cheesus. Nonetheless, Finn is still hungry, and he knows that God helps those who help themselves to God's holy sandwich, so he cuts the sandwich in half diagonally and eats the non-Cheesus half. And then he prays. And the prayer to the Grilled Cheesus is as follows: "Dear Grilled Cheesus -- First of all, you're super-delicious. Please, Grilled Cheesus, please let us win our first football game. It would mean so much to Artie, and I think you kind of owe it to him. I mean, you did sort of screw him in the leg department. And in return, cheesy Lord, I'll make sure we honor you this week in Glee Club."
And then it came to pass that the football team won its first game, with a play that involved Finn pushing Artie and his wheelchair down the field like the mighty human battering ram of our Lord of the Processed Dairy Product. Upon which, Finn drops to one knee, throws off his helmet, looks to the sky, and shouts out, "Thank you Grilled Cheesus!" And then the miraculous title card did appear.
The Hummel Garage, where Burt is raising Lazarus from the dead. Or repairing a car. One or the other. Kurt has arrived He has brought Burt a healthy breakfast, instead of the Coke and two Slim Jims that Burt would prefer to eat. An anvil falls off a tool rack somewhere as Kurt tells Burt that he has got to start taking better care of himself. And then there's a whole thing about Burt wanting to hold on to the family traditions of Kurt's childhood while Kurt wants to declare his teenage independence. By which I mean, Burt wants Kurt to show up for their regular weekly Friday night dinner (which is an hour early this week because Finn and his mother will be joining them and she has to work a night shift), while Kurt wants to go to the Sing-Along Sound of Music. Some more anvils fall when Burt reminds Kurt that Friday night dinner is a ritual, and is sacred. Which kind of makes it sound less like Friday night dinner and more like Friday night self-flagellation. But Kurt defends the Sing-Along Sound of Music as his sacred ritual. Burt: "You think I don't know that? Wasn't I the one that bought you that Maria bonnet when you were six?" But they end at an impasse. Although it's not really so much of an impasse as it is Kurt winning, because he simply refuses to change his plans, leaving Burt to feel mighty disappointed.