Glee

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Holy Mary, Mother of Gouda!

Music room. Glee Club is beginning. Finn raises his hand because he has one of those all-important announcements that seem to begin every Glee Club rehearsal nowadays. (Do you think Will even bothers to make plans for rehearsals, or does he know it's a waste of time?) Finn wants the kids to know that an event he can't tell them about has left him shaken to his core. Puck: "Oh my God, he's coming out." Finn: "Why yes, there is a man who's sort of recently come into my life." Kurt has an intensely... interested look on his face. But the man Finn is talking about is Jesus. Puck: "That's way worse." Rachel seems to agree, based on her open-mouthed shock. The point of all of this is that Finn wants them to take the week to pay tribute to Jesus. Kurt nixes that idea: "Sorry, if I wanted to sing about Jesus, I'd go to church. And the reason I don't go to church is that most churches don't think very much about gay people. Or women. Or science." Mercedes and Quinn think it's a fine idea, while Santana is opposed, and Brittany is... confused. Will suggests that rather than sing about Jesus, per se (which is how you spell that phrase, internet), they could maybe sing songs about spirituality. Puck makes a face, and Finn asks him if he has a problem with Jesus. Puck: "Oh, I got no problem with the guy. I'm a total Jew for Jesus, he's my number one Hebe. What I don't like seeing is people using J-Money to cramp everybody else's style. 'Cause it seems to me that true spirituality, or whatever you want to call it, is about enjoying the life that you've been given. I mean, I see God every time I make out with a new chick." I would, too, but only because I'd have to die before I made out with a chick. And to prove his point, he continues his tradition of singing songs only written by Jewish artists and performs Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young." The two most notable things about the song are that Tinkles is back (we've missed your utter disdain for the kids, Brad) and that Puck likes to swing his arms around like a windmill when he's singing "rock" songs. But they're nice arms, so I won't complain. Pretty much everybody else gets into the song while Kurt sits on a stool and checks his e-mail. Or maybe looks up the phone number of Americans United for the Separation of Church and State.

Back in Hummel's Garage, Burt is talking to a customer. And then he has a heart attack and falls over. Yikes! We see Emma running in slow motion to Will's office. And then they enter Kurt's French class, where Kurt is telling one of his regular jock bullies how much more fabulous Kurt's life will be than his (but in French, which the jock is too stupid to understand). Emma speaks to a strange woman sitting at the front of the class. She's a... what's that word? Oh, right... she's a teacher. I didn't realize they had those at this school. Emma and Will pull Kurt out of class, and then we cut to the three of them waiting for news at the hospital. A medical type eventually emerges to tell Kurt that Burt had a heart attack and a temporary loss of blood flow to his brain, and as a result he's in a coma. And it's not clear when he'll wake up. The doctor eventually lets Kurt enter Burt's room, where he's in a coma. (Just in case you thought the doctor was lying.) At Kurt's request, Will and Emma give Kurt some time alone with Burt. Kurt: "Dad? Can you hear me? If you can hear me, squeeze my hand. I'm holding yours right now. Just squeeze back." But no squeeze comes. Commercials.

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Glee

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