And when it's over, we return to The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High, where Brittany bubbles over to Kitty's locker with a bright-sounding, "Guess what? Everyone hates you!" "'Scuse me?" Kitty intones by way of response.
Cut to a quick Brittany-on-Kitty pedeconference down the nearby stairs, with Kitty protesting that she's honestly trying to change her wicked, wicked ways -- really! -- until Brit-Brit stops them both in the middle of the stairwell to lecture Kitty like so: "You're really mean! You tell Marley that she's fat even though your face looks like a soccer ball, and we both know that blondes have magical powers, like doing splits or turning Swedish. You need to use your magic for good and not evil, and that is why I'm inviting you to take off your Joker mask and bare your soul for the world to see." Kitty's all, "And this will be accomplished...how, exactly?"
Cue the opening credits of Fondue For Two. Over in Brittany's boudoir, Brit-Brit gets things started with, "Tonight's guest is McKinley High's biggest bitch -- the girl with the weird lizard ears -- Kitty!" "Two things," Kitty begins. "That cat has about three weeks to live, and this fondue smells like hot, acrid barf." "Thank you so much!" Brittany replies. Lord Tubbington remains silent, but I'm pretty sure he's thinking of ways to smother Kitty in her sleep. "So, Kitty," Brit-Brit perks, "everyone at school hates you because you're a two-faced lying slut who no one can trust!" "True," Kitty concedes before pointing out, "and yet everyone keeps telling me their secrets, so I must be doing something right." Or everyone else is incredibly stupid. "Touché!" Brittany grins, paying me no mind at all.
"I think the problem," she goes on to opine, "is that people haven't gotten to know you yet." "So," Brit-Brit continues, "you, me, and Lord Tubbington are gonna tell our deepest, darkest secrets! Go!" "I like to fart around old people and watch the look on their faces 'cause they just assume they did it," Kitty admits, with a devilish glint in her eye. "That's awesome!" Brittany raves. "Me too! Okay, guilty pleasure: When I look at a white dog or cat, I assume that they're racist. Lord Tubbington's guilty pleasure is Scientology." Sure enough, Lord Tubbington's deep within a tome entitled The Power Of Scientology right this very instant. The two ladies then profess their devotion to all things Bring It On until it's time for Kitty to lay out her most mortifying shame for all to see. "Come on, this is a safe space!" Brittany encourages her. "We're on the Internet!"