Cut to Single-T Tina watching the final version of this video on YouTube in the McKinley High library the following afternoon. She leans forward slowly in anticipation of Kitty's big reveal.
"No, it's too horrible!" Kitty protests back in Brittany's boudoir. Brit-Brit suggests Kitty whisper it in her ear. Kitty complies. "Oh my God!" Brittany breathes, suddenly aghast. She pulls away from her guest in shock and horror as Kitty wonders if she's gone too far.
Fake Drama School In New York, Actual Fake Drama Division. "You see?" St. Gay Of Lima's acting professor rhetorically asks of the class at large. "By acting out our secret shames -- like Carly's traumatic sense-memory of potty training -- we become more vulnerable as actors!" As the teary-eyed and profoundly heroic Carly takes her seat amid the heartfelt congratulations of her peers, the professor calls St. Gay himself to the center of the room. "You wanna see some real acting?" St. Gay asks us through the miracle of voiceover. "You're looking at it," his voiceover continues, "'cause this is nothing compared to my real guilty secrets -- and as a gay man, there are so many to pick from!"
Cut to The Improbably Bohemian Loft, where we watch as St. Gay subjects his two roommates -- that would be Old Idiot Rachel and Santana Lopez, despite the fact that they booted Santana out of the apartment only last week -- to an evening of old Golden Girls, Murder, She Wrote, Moonlighting, and Designing Women episodes because number one on St. Gay's list of guilty pleasures is "obsessive marathons of powerhouse women in TV history." Number two would be his "very private Sweatin' To The Oldies sessions" with "the incomparable Richard Simmons" -- this illustrated with the unspeakably vile image of St. Gay doing the pony looking like this -- while number three is, according to St. Gay's Voiceover, by far the worst of all: His boyfriend arm pillow. He ordered it online one night while whacked out on Ambien, and he understands how very "Jeffrey Dahmer" it makes him seem, but he simply can't resist being held in "Bruce's warm, unjudgmental embrace." Yes, St. Gay Of Lima named his arm pillow "Bruce." Make of that what you will.