Moments later, Old Idiot Rachel emerges from her refreshing rinse clad in nothing more than a towel and an old-lady shower cap. "Oooh-la-la!" Santana sings. "How could Brody give all that up?" The Horrible Hooker snaps at her to shut it, now, as "it's too soon" for teasing. "Everything still reminds me of him," Old Idiot Rachel sighs, before wistfully recalling the first time she and Dean Geyer met, bonding as they did over their moisturizing rituals. "That sounds really not romantic," Santana observes, "and also very, very gay." "Is that why he left?" she pries. "Did he finally admit to having a boyfriend on the side?" "You know," Rachel sadly admits, "he actually didn't even say why."
Smear sideways to Old Idiot Rachel trailing after her filthy whore of a boyfriend as he exits The Improbably Bohemian Loft for the last time. "I don't understand!" she cries out. "Why won't you talk to me?" "We'll always be friends," Dean Geyer replies, and with that, we smear...
...back to the present, where Santana sneers at Dean Geyer's clichéd choice of a breakup line. "You don't need him, anyway," she insists, pointing out that Old Idiot Rachel has plenty of friends right there in the loft. "Friends who mock my looks and undermine my confidence?" Rachel snits. "Friends who cheer you up by playing pranks on your other friend," Santana counters. Old Idiot Rachel is clearly intrigued. "Maybe a mascara moustache for Lady Hummel?" Santana suggests. "Or we could do that stick-his-hand-in-warm-water, make-him-wet-the-bed trick?" she continues. Rachel grins.
Cut to the ladies of the loft marching towards St. Gay's bedroom with a pot full of water. "What the hell is that?" Santana gags the instant they've crossed the threshold. "Kurt," Old Idiot Rachel chides, "that thing is really creepy." A supremely embarrassed and barely awake St. Gay has no choice but to introduce the gals to Bruce. "It's probably safer than trolling Grindr," Santana allows with a slight shrug of her shoulders. I love how she threw that "probably" in there.
McKinley High Music Room. Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen somehow manages to withstand the withering glares of his fellow Glee Clubbers as he admits the following: "I love Barry Manilow -- and not just the Barry Manilow & LoveOnIce tour. I think he's an amazing songwriter and performer, and I also believe he's underappreciated, has amazing hair and has done a hell of a lot of good for this world through his light-rock talent!" "This is who I am," Lady Lips firmly concludes, "and I make no apologies." The other children shift uncomfortably in their seats as Lady Lips pulls on a set of purple-and-black-ruffled rumba sleeves and, with the help of the usually-mute members of The William McKinley Jazz Ensemble, he throws himself into a lusty performance of Barry Manilow's deathless "Copacabana." The other children do their very best to resist the pernicious pull of Barry's sinfully sinuous melodies, but it's of course no use, and they've all soon strapped on their very best cha-cha heels to shimmy seductively around Lady Lips on the floor.