Chez Schue, later that evening. Terri bids her husband goodnight, and settles down to sleep on her side of their queen-sized bed, upon which she's built a wall of pillows that separates them should Will get any frisky ideas in the wee small hours of the morning. Will reaches across the barrier to stroke her hair, and Terri immediately freaks, bolting upright to excoriate him for attempting to make with the sexy times while she's feeling so vulnerable about her nonexistent pregnancy, or something like that. He apologizes, sweetly enough, and rolls over to leave her alone, allowing her a moment to lapse into what I believe is her very first voice-over of the series. "There's no way I can keep this up," she admits to herself, one hand clawed around a pillow while she stares into the middle distance with a deeply worried and somewhat guilt-ridden expression on her face. "He's gonna catch on," her voice-over continues before confessing, "I miss him, too, though." She turns to gaze at his sleeping back while explaining, "I do want to have a family with him -- I only ever started lying about all of this to give us a chance." "I just need to buy myself some more time," she decides, realizing, "I've got to distract him with something." "But what?" she wonders. As the opening bars of Dionne Warwick's "Don't Make Me Over" hit the soundtrack, Terri stumbles across a cunning plan.
The song continues as an instrumental as we cut over to Rachel's bedroom, where Kurt's being absolutely and unnecessarily vicious to her, telling her he volunteered for makeover duty primarily because Rachel needs "something to distract from [her] horrible personality" before noting, "Most of the time, I find it hard to be in the same room with you." "Especially this one," he adds, eyeing his surroundings with wary distaste, "which looks like where Strawberry Shortcake and Holly Hobbie come to hook up." Poor, obnoxious Rachel looks devastated, so Kurt graciously allows, "You're extremely talented, Rachel -- watching you perform is amazing -- but sometimes it's hard to appreciate what a good singer you are, because all I'm thinking about is shoving a sock into your mouth." By this point, I would have thrown his snide little precious and badly dressed ass out of the window, but Rachel for whatever reason -- likely because the script says she must -- accepts his criticism, and wonders what his plans for her involve. "I want every boy in school to do a double-take when you strut past," he smiles, and while that's not an outright lie, I believe he deliberately omitted a couple of key phrases from that statement, and what he meant to say was, "I want every boy in school to do a double-take to vomit all over you when you strut past because I'm going to make you look even more ridiculous than I normally do." Rachel offers him a sad little smile of gratitude, then confesses that there's really only one boy in particular she'd like to impress, and that boy is, of course, Finn. As Kurt's been lusting after Finn since before the series began, he immediately allows a burst of naked jealousy to get the better of himself, and he proceeds to insist that, as Finn appreciates a good slut when he sees one, they'll tailor Rachel's makeover accordingly. When Rachel attempts to protest, citing Quinn's wholesomeness as evidence to the contrary regarding Finn's taste in girlfriends, Kurt cuts her off with, "Let me put this in musical theater parlance: In Grease, what did Sandy do to get Danny Zuko?" "She had to ditch the poodle skirt," he continues, answering his own question, "and slap on a catsuit." "In short," he concludes, "she had to dress like a ho." Rachel's sold. Poor, stupid, obnoxious Rachel.