It's another insane holiday at McKinley High. This time, it's Valentine's Day. Finn and Rachel get ambushed by her two dads, who have learned about the engagement (through a Kurt to Burt to Carole to Gay Dads connection), and are actually supportive. So we weren't wrong -- they have always been the worst parents in the world. Now that all their parents know, Finn and Rachel tell the rest of the glee club about their upcoming nuptials, leading to a definite schism between those who realize that this is a moronic idea and those who are willing to support this moronic idea. Except it's all an evil plot by all of the parents, who throw the two kids into instant domesticity by inviting them to sleep together. The resulting intimacy causes them to fight, but then they stupidly decide they're ready for marriage anyway. So they decide to get married in May. Stupid parents.
Sugar Motta is having a huge V-Day bash, but no singletons are allowed to attend. Rory and Artie both decide that they'll ask Sugar to her own party, and they start pitching woo. Rory is clearly better at the romantic stuff, until Artie wows Sugar with a song. But then Rory claims to have been denied an extension on his student visa, and uses Sugar's natural sympathy to gain the upper hand, winning the coveted invitation to be Sugar's date. Except that it's clearly a lie.
Santana and Brit-Brit are also celebrating Valentine's Day -- right up until the Maharishi busts them for an innocent kiss. Sick of the double standard that lets Finn and Rachel swap spit whenever and wherever they want to, Santana challenges the Christian Club (made up of Mercedes, Quinn, Sam, and Glee Project co-winner Samuel) to deliver a musical valentine to Brit (a service the club is providing to raise funds). Which leads to an absolutely cracktastic discussion of religious views of gayness. But of course the God Squad comes around, and sings the song at Sugar's party.
Mercedes has told Shane about her love for Sam. But she feels so guilty for breaking his (enormous) heart, that she tells Sam she can't be with him or anybody else. Which leads to a completely coincidental tribute to Whitney Houston, as Mercedes sings Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You." And lots of tears from Sam, Mercedes, and Shane.
Even though Blaine is still recuperating from his surgery, Kurt has still been receiving Valentines every day from a secret admirer. Convinced that it's Blaine, Kurt accepts his admirer's invitation to meet at Breadstix before Sugar's party. Except that his admirer isn't Blaine -- it's Karofsky. Not only does Kurt have to let Karofsky down easy, but a jock from Karofsky's new school sees them together, and comes to some unfortunate but not unexpected conclusions. And then at Sugar's party Blaine does reappear, just in time to sing "Love Shack."
As I type this, it's Valentine's Day. Your present to me will be that you don't care that I'm not linking to any songs in this recaplet. I know that's what you also gave me for Christmas, but I've decided to forgive you for your lack of creativity. Maybe next year you could at least come up with some roses?
Music room. Various couples (Tina and Mike, Rachel and Finn, Santana and Brit) cavort, while Kurt looks glum. Will enters, and we see that he's already written "World's Greatest Love Songs" on the white board. Because that's the club's assignment for Valentine's week -- to sing some great love songs. You might think this is just more of Will's procrastination, since the club really should be planning for Regionals, which is just a week away. But there's actually some method to his stupidity this week -- they still need to raise money for costumes, and he plans to have the kids offer a Valentine's-themed singing telegram service to raise that money.
The kids (other than Rachel) are dismayed that he plans to publicize this service by having them serenade each class, but Sugar (wearing a sea of red silk and satin and heart-shaped shades) puts everybody's mind at rest when she donates the $250 they need to raise. Everyone claps, which delights Sugar: "I love the sound of applause, even if I have to pay for it." She tells them all to look under their chairs ("Except for you, Artie. Your chair kept moving, so I hid your surprise in the waste basket."), where she has placed a heart-shaped box of chocolates. All of this is just part of her way of inviting them to the huge V-Day party her father is throwing for her at the Sugar Shack, which is what she's calling Breadstix for the night. But no single people are allowed at the party: "They're sad. And boring. And they don't exist in my world." Mercedes points out that Sugar is single. Sugar: "Not for long." Which catches the attention of Artie and Rory the Leprechaun, who have each been giving Sugar the eye during this scene. Title card.
Auditorium. Rachel and Finn enter from opposite doors. They're surprised to see each other, since they each received an urgent message from Mandy Patinkin to meet in the auditorium. And that's when they hear the strains of "Chapel of Love," being sung not well by Rachel's fathers on the stage. As publicized, Rachel's fathers are being played by Jeff Goldblum (as Hiram) and Brian Stokes Mitchell (as Leroy).
After just a few lines of the song, they take a break to bicker. Rachel wants to know what her fathers are doing at the school, since they've never before even bothered to show up for a single performance of hers. They're there because Kurt told Burt about Finn and Rachel's wedding plans, and Burt shared the news with Carole, and Carole shared it with one or both of Rachel's dads. Finn starts to apologize for not having asked their permission, but Leroy interrupts him to let him know that they're there to offer their congratulations and their blessing. But not without also slyly dropping some cold facts on them about the divorce rate of idiots who marry in their teens. They want to start the planning for the wedding with a Valentine's Day dinner at their house, with Finn and his family as their guests. Well, that'll be interesting.