Glee

Episode Report Card
LTG: B+ | 1974 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Hell To The Gro!

A greasy-looking teen is leaning his head back with a look of terror on his face. That's because Sue Sylvester is standing behind him, pulling on his ponytail and chopping it off with a pair of scissors. Sue: "There. You no longer confuse me with your she-male looks. I'm going to donate this to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. They can use it to plug the holes in their trailers." And then she absent-mindedly hands the ponytail remnant to a passing Cheerio. Will walks up to her and asks her to please tell him how she got reinstated. It's probably good for him to know, since his stupidity will undoubtedly lead to his getting fired one day. Sue tells him that as she stewed in her condo in Boca, she realized that she had truly behaved poorly, so she arranged a dinner with Figgins to explain how sorry she was. Flash to the dinner. Figgins tells Sue there's no way she's coming back to McKinley. She distracts him and drops a pill into his glass of wine. Back in the hallway, Sue tells Will, "We had a very frank and healing discussion. And you know what, Will? It was like he was seeing me and my moral integrity for the very first time." Cut to Figgins, asleep in a bed. Aaaaaugh! There's a beaver in the bed with him! Oh, wait, my bad, that's just his chest hair. Aaaaaaugh! Figgins opens his eyes and turns and sees Sue laying next to him (with a blanket pulled up to her neck) staring at him. He's startled, but she just tells him, "So here's what's going to happen. As of right now, I am reinstated. Or, I will tell you wife and the entire congregation of the Cornerstone Bibleway Church of our sexual congress. It's your choice. And then she pulls back the blanket to reveal her tracksuit (maroon, white stripes) and takes a picture of her head near his carpeted chest and face. Back in the present, Will suggests they bury the hatchet. Sue: "I won't be burying any hatchets, Will, unless I get a clear shot to your groin." She tells him that she will not rest until he is fired and Glee Club is destroyed. Will: "Bring it." Sue: "Oh, I will bring it, William. You know what else I'm gonna bring? I'm gonna bring some Asian cookery to rub your head with, 'cause right now you've got enough product in your hair to season a wok."

Music room. Will draws a stick man saying "hello" on the white board. He asks the kids what they say when they answer the phone. Mercedes: "What up?" Matt: "Who dis be?" Kurt: "No, she's dead, this is her son." (Hey, Matt got a line!) Will tells the kids that Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone, thought the best way to answer it was "Ahoy hoy." (And you thought Monty Burns was crazy.) It was Edison who forced "Hello" down our throats. The point of Will's rambling is that the kids need to raise their game for Regionals, which means they need to start from scratch and reintroduce themselves to the world. Which he wants them to do by each coming up with a song with "hello" in the title. Nobody looks very excited.

Glee

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