Episode Report Card
LTG: B+ | Grade It Now!
Hell To The Gro!

Rachel enters Sue's office, having been summoned there. Sue tells her she wanted to invite her to join McKinley High's Old Maids Club. Sitting in a circle in Sue's office are half a dozen unattractive girls. (And by "unattractive" I mean overweight, wearing glasses, or with unfashionable hair and/or clothes. In other words, TV unattractive.) Rachel's confused. Sue tells her, "It's come to my attention that you've been given the old heave-ho by that terribly uncoordinated Finn Hudson. And I also understand that you have a serious suitor in the form of a piping hot hunkwad from another district, but that your fellow Glee Clubbers are so incensed with betrayal, they barely have time to apply Freeze Off to the clusters of warts between their knuckles." Rachel asks how Sue knows that.

Flash to Santana and Brit trailing along behind Sue as she stalks the hallway. They've told everyone in Glee about Jesse, and think the club will self-destruct if Rachel doesn't dump him. Sue: "Outstanding. On to step 2 -- round up a bunch of mustache-sporting teenage girls with glandular conditions. Anything else?" Brit-Brit: "Sometimes I forget my middle name."

Back in Sue's Land of Misogyny, the largest girl is telling Rachel about how she chose the wrestling team instead of pursuing love with a wrestler from a different team, and how she's regretted it ever since. "Now, I spend my Friday nights making out with my cat and watching Ghost Whisperer." Eeeww, Ghost Whisperer. Sue: "Rachel, if I weren't ignoring what these ladies are saying out of an overwhelming sense of deep repulsion, I would probably be hearing them encouraging you to go for it with your Carmel High beau." She points out another girl as an example of the misery of being alone, with no homecoming, Valentine's Day, or sock hop. Sue: "Rachel, you need to become even more narcissistic and self-centered than you already are. Think of yourself, of your potential happiness. If not, join the club." Exactly how did Sue get these young women into this room? Did she slip all of them roofies and then take fake adultery pictures?

We get some quick shots of two beautifully manicured hands setting a table and laying out what looks like a lovely dinner. It's Emma (although I sincerely doubt she would ever put a garnish on a plate with an ungloved hand), setting the table at Will's house. We hear a door open and close. And then we hear Terri's voice: "Beautiful table. Meticulous, really. I guess being crazy has its benefits." And what are the benefits of your psychosis, Terri? Emma takes a second and then tells Terri that it's date night. Actually, date night is tomorrow night, but Will wanted to change nights, so Emma is surprising him with dinner. They bicker a bit, and Emma tells Terri that she's happy to see that Will gets a second chance at happiness. Terri: "Oh, and you're the one to introduce him to this magical new world of bliss. What, you with your three-times-a-day showers and the fact that you can't sleep unless your shoes are all in a row?" Emma asks why Terri is there -- it's to pick up her remaining Bruckheimers. But when she goes to get the DVDs, she sees that Emma has brought over a copy of The Jazz Singer (the soundtrack of which featured "Hello Again," for you philistines). Emma tells Terri that she's sick of Con Air, and that Will picked "Hello Again" (which she mistakenly calls "Hello") as their song. Terri tells Emma not to bother sleeping with Will, since she's already screwed -- it seems that "Hello Again" was Terri and Will's prom song. In the early '90s. Proving once and for all that this is the most deeply uncool high school in the entire universe. Terri leaves, but not before knocking one of Emma's carefully aligned teaspoons out of place on the table.

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