Hold On To Sixteen

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 3 USERS: A+
"You Smell Like Craigslist."

...the club's tiny dressing room, where we find Lady Lips explaining his current situation. Long story short, though his father found steady construction work in the area, Lady Lips still needed to get himself a job to help out with the household's expenses. While the local Dairy Queen did offer him a bonus of two free Blizzards a day, it only paid just above minimum wage, and as he's clearing upwards of $240 an hour stripping at Stallionz, his choice was pretty obvious. What's that? He's only sixteen, you say? It's Kentucky. Any other objections? You're wondering what his parents think? Well, Lady Lips has an answer for that: "They just think that DQ pays really well." Explanations over, Frankenteen gets to the point of their visit, and invites Lady Lips back to New Directions. "I want to," Lady Lips admits, "but my dad will never let me." "Don't know 'til you ask," Finn shrugs.

Cut to Casa Von Bieberhausen, where the parents of Lady Lips of course give him their blessing to return to New Directions for Sectionals, because the script says that's what they're supposed to do in this scene. It's a complete waste of Bo Duke, whom they hired to play Lady Lips's father for all of fifteen seconds tonight, and even though there are two or three funny lines sprinkled through the dialogue, I'm just gonna skip back to the... room for the next of tonight's important plot developments, which is this: "Are we sure yet which band members are joining us?" Artie wonders, hiking his thumb in the general direction of the ever-mute boys of The McKinley High Jazz Ensemble, the latter of whom are currently loitering over in their customary corner. "Looks like Floppy-Haired Bass Dude, Chapped Lips McGee, and Johnny Tromboner," Puck notes as the camera swings over to take in the three gentlemen in question, so I guess this is how New Directions intends to fill its skimpy roster for the competition. Not a bad idea, considering the fact that the ever-mute boys of The McKinley High Jazz Ensemble are always there in that goddamned music room, anyway, but as Floppy-Haired Bass Dude is the only one of the three I actually recognize, I can't say I'm too excited about it. Not that my opinion matters at all, of course, so let's jump even further ahead to the bit where Mr. Schue arrives to announce the triumphant return of Lady Lips to the ensemble. Cheers and hugs abound, and is St. Gay Of Lima wearing a tallis? Oh, my God, he totally is! What the fuck is wrong with him? Though Dreamboat Blaine seems to have broken down and finally bought himself a pair of socks, so I guess I should just shut up and listen as Lady Lips leads them all in a celebratory song. Which is Toby Keith's "Red Solo Cup." Which is strummy, and folksy, and hateful. For the first time in a very, very long time, Kurt and I look sickened and repulsed by the exact same thing.

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