Hold On To Sixteen

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 3 USERS: A+
"You Smell Like Craigslist."

The camera has by now cut us over to the stage, where we watch as a severely coiffed brunette in a red dress positions herself at the top of the risers in the middle of a sextet of strapping young gentlemen. A train whistle blows, the brunette begins clapping out a beat, and the spotlight hits the brunette's face to reveal we've been staring at The Gerber Baby this entire time. LTG assures me she got her jacked-up teeth fixed since last we saw her, which is immensely helpful, because the only thing I remember about her last performance is how much I enjoyed its perfectly pitched obnoxious aggressiveness the one time I watched that episode. Unfortunately, she's stuck with "Buenos Aires" from Evita this evening, and I fucking hate Andrew Lloyd Weber, so I'm finding Harmony and her now-expensive choppers far less appealing this time around. Of course, it doesn't help that they've sliced the song to ribbons to smash it into the time allotted, but what else is new with this show? And as far as the staging goes, it amounts to little more than Harmony prancing around while her backup dancers -- six similarly attired girls in addition to the strapping young gentlemen she started out with -- throw themselves about the stage. All in all, it's certainly competent, but it's nothing to scream about. As we shall shortly see, however, mere competence is all we can hope for from the groups that aren't named "New Directions" this evening, the better to justify New Directions' eventual victory. Ooops! Spoiler!

And when it's over, the audience leaps to its feet as one to applaud. Amid the raucous cheering, Quinn silently sneaks out of the auditorium, followed closely by Rachel. "Where are you going?" Rachel calls out once she's caught up out in the hall. Quinn apparently intends to inform The Maharishi of Idina Menzel's transgressions right this very moment, though why she expects The Maharishi to be occupying his lair well after school hours, I'll never know. Rachel pleads with Quinn not to "wreck all the hard work" their friends have put into their impending performance, and instead suggests Quinn speak with Idina regarding her intentions first. "It's the adult thing to do," Rachel claims, and no, Rachel, the adult thing would be to leave Idina Menzel and Puck to their private business, but I guess that argument wouldn't fly with Psycho Quinn, anyway. In any event, Rachel offers a few more unimportant words of advice and exits, leaving a simmering Psycho Quinn alone with her thoughts until she vanishes into this evening's next commercial break.

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