Cafeteria. Kurt chastises Mercedes for her lunch selection. She quite rightly tells him that a chicken breast and salad (dressing on the side) is pretty damn healthy. But he thinks that nutritious meals are not the way to lose ten pounds in a week. He's enjoying being part of the in-crowd, and he'll be damned if he'll let his best friend's health jeopardize that. Mercedes walks up to Santana and Brittany and asks them how they stay so thin. They both raise their Cheerios water bottles, HNS-style, and tell her it's the "Sue Sylvester Master Cleanse." Which, according to Sue, (in a flash sideways in which she demonstrates the recipe to Santana, Brittany, and Becky consists of "water, maple syrup for glucose, lemon for acid, paprika to irritate the bowels, and a dash of ipecac, a vomiting agent. I haven't had a solid meal since 1987.") Back in the cafeteria, Brit-Brit tells Mercedes, "sometimes I add a teaspoon of sand." Santana rejects the objection that this recipe sounds horribly unhealthy, telling Mercedes that the can either look great and feel terrible or get kicked off the team. Mercedes walks away from her perfectly healthy lunch while our two lesbo-riffic Cheerios take swigs of their dangerous swill. And then we see Quinn, holding an empty tray and standing in the corner, watching all of this with a look on her face that says, "Why am I standing here holding an empty tray?"
Casa Hudson. Finn and some woman who could not possibly be his mother because she has a fashionable haircut and is not wearing a denim vest stand and watch as a couple of guys carry out the quilted headboard of the ugliest bed ever made. Finn's not happy, because this mysterious lady stranger just gave away his mom and dad's honeymoon bed. Wouldn't their honeymoon bed be the bed in the hotel where they had their honeymoon? Did they steal the bed from the hotel? Finn was conceived in that bed, and he doesn't want it to be given away. The fashionable and mysterious woman must be Finn's mother, because she knows for a fact that Finn was really conceived on top of a pinball machine. My hilarious joke about spinners and rollovers is made pointless based on the fact that I doubt many of you have ever actually seen a pinball machine. Curse the passage of time! One of the guys carrying the headboard comes back in and asks about the recliner. Mrs. Finn is happy to give it away, but Finn freaks out. It was his dad's recliner, and the one picture they have of Finn and his father was taken in that chair. He tells the guy it's not for sale and all but kicks him out of the house. Mrs. Finn tries to explain that a chair is just a chair, but Finn doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't understand why his mother is getting all fancified and selling their old furniture. She breaks the news that she's dating someone and that she thinks she may be in love. Finn asks who it is. It's his friend Brooke's father. Um, I mean, his friend Kurt's father.