Casa Hudson. Burt is getting a beer out of the avocado-colored refrigerator when Finn walks into the kitchen and asks him what he's doing there. "Did you already move in?" Burt tells Finn that Carol asked him to come over to have a man-to-man chat with Finn. Is this a chat about sex? Because Finn clearly needs that one. Finn tells Burt that he's got a lot to say, but Burt insists on going first. Burt tells Finn that he understands that Finn is angry: "Your dad is a hero. Not only to the world for what he did in Desert Storm, but he's a hero to you. No way I can fill his shoes." We're all going to agree to look the other way and ignore the fact that Desert Storm was over and done with long before Finn was born. Let's just pretend that Finn's dad died in a desert storm -- that is, a storm in the desert. Flash flood, sandstorm, take your pick. Anyway, Burt loves Carol -- he thinks of her as an angel who woke him up after years of romantic slumber, and he promises to always take care of her. "I can't be your dad, but I will be her hero for as long as she'll take me." Finn takes that in, and it turns out that all he actually had to say to Burt was that there was a game on and he'd enjoy watching it with him. They enter the living room, and Burt goes to sit on the couch. Finn moves the urn from the recliner and tells him he's welcome to sit in that chair if he wants. And then they turn on the game, and Burt talks about how much he hates Duke. While they start to chat, Kurt stands on the other side of the plate glass window, looking into the living room with a solitary tear running down his cheek. Oh Kurt. Joan Crawford would be proud.
Music room. Will is clearly in shock at something April just told him, even though it's clear that she actually didn't tell him anything because she proceeds to tell him (and us) the shocking story. Which is that she went to her strip-mall lover and demanded he ditch his wife and marry her. So the guy had a stroke and died right in front of her. His widow was worried that April would go public with the sordid affair, so she paid her off to the tune of $2 million. "So I'm sobering up and I'm heading to the Broad Way, Will. I haven't had a drink in 45 minutes. I'm gonna take my hush money and I'm gonna mount the first ever all-white production of The Wiz. Also, she used some of her money to write a fat check to Maharishi Figgins, so the auditorium is now named the April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, and the Glee Club has first dibs on using it. Oh, hey, the kids are all there too. Will doesn't know what to say to thank her. Rachel tells him they have it all figured out. Although what they have figured out doesn't actually involve Will saying anything to April. Instead, we cut to the auditorium, where April, dressed in a beautiful white gown and an enormous and quite stunning necklace, with her hair in a perfect updo... aw, crap, let's not pretend this is April. This is just Cheno, looking the way I imagine she does every day as she walks around New York City and runs her errands, coming out to sing us a song. And that song is "[As God is my witness, I will not use that word in this recap]," from The Wiz. Although, in a very nice touch, she's singing into one of the sparkly microphones from Rinky Dinks. You can take the girl out of the cabaret roller rink, but you can't take the cabaret roller rink out of the girl. The kids sing backup. Quinn and Mercedes exchange friendly glances. And Kurt looks completely miserable. And the song ends with a Cheno glory note. See you next time, Orangina. Credits.