Glee

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Casa Hudson. Finn and some woman who could not possibly be his mother because she has a fashionable haircut and is not wearing a denim vest stand and watch as a couple of guys carry out the quilted headboard of the ugliest bed ever made. Finn's not happy, because this mysterious lady stranger just gave away his mom and dad's honeymoon bed. Wouldn't their honeymoon bed be the bed in the hotel where they had their honeymoon? Did they steal the bed from the hotel? Finn was conceived in that bed, and he doesn't want it to be given away. The fashionable and mysterious woman must be Finn's mother, because she knows for a fact that Finn was really conceived on top of a pinball machine. My hilarious joke about spinners and rollovers is made pointless based on the fact that I doubt many of you have ever actually seen a pinball machine. Curse the passage of time! One of the guys carrying the headboard comes back in and asks about the recliner. Mrs. Finn is happy to give it away, but Finn freaks out. It was his dad's recliner, and the one picture they have of Finn and his father was taken in that chair. He tells the guy it's not for sale and all but kicks him out of the house. Mrs. Finn tries to explain that a chair is just a chair, but Finn doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't understand why his mother is getting all fancified and selling their old furniture. She breaks the news that she's dating someone and that she thinks she may be in love. Finn asks who it is. It's his friend Brooke's father. Um, I mean, his friend Kurt's father.

Skating rink. Will is asking the dreadlocked attendant at the skate rental desk who he should talk to about renting the place out for Glee Club rehearsal. The attendant points off-camera, where we hear a high-pitched, slightly orange-sounding voice telling the boy skaters to grab a girl (or another guy, if that's how they roll), because it's a couple's skate. Will recognizes that voice, as do we. It's April Rhodes, last seen heading out of Lima for the bright lights and big hair of Branson. She sees Will across the floor and calls out his name, cheerfully telling everyone present that she just had a sex dream about him. Who hasn't, April? Who hasn't? April's standing on a platform in the center of the roller rink. Will ducks and weaves through the skaters and joins her on the platform. She tells him she smells something. No, it's not hair product, or woodland creatures backing cookies in his hair -- it's a duet. She calls out to the live band on the side of the rink to start playing Springsteen's "Fire." And they do, and after a verse, Will is sucked into singing with her. I love Cheno, and Will makes me feel funny in my tummy, so this is pretty nice. But it doesn't hold a candle to Elmer Fudd's cover of the song. Because that shit wocks. After a couple of verses, they start singing while skating. It looks like they hired the cast of Starlight Express to skate backup for them. And while April is wearing her customary head-to-toe denim, she's quite a bit less orange than she was previously. So at least she's got her tanning addiction under control. See, John Boehner, it is possible to cut back.

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Glee

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