Glee

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After the song, they sit at a table and catch up. Will wants to know why April didn't make it to Branson. April: "I was so jazzed about sobering up and starting a new life, I had to stop at a bar for a drink just to calm down." And she stayed at that bar, until one day strip-mall magnate Buddy Liebowitz came in, one drink led to another, and she became his mistress. Will is very disappointed that April didn't sober up, but she tells him to face facts: "I'm nothing but a washed-up dreamer. That's all I'll ever be. Besides, I finally realized my life-long ambition of being a mistress to an incredibly wealthy strip-mall tycoon, and the owner-operator of a cabaret roller rink." Ah yes, isn't that every little girl's dream? That reminds Will that he's there to ask to use the space, and she's thrilled to let the Glee Club use it. He tells her has to leave to show his apartment to a potential tenant, because he's decided to move to a smaller place now that he's getting a divorce. April: "Divorce?! So you're free to date? And by date, I mean sleep with people? And by sleep with, I mean have sex with people? People like me?" Will, whose only action for months has been a make-out session with Idina Menzel and some very frustrating almost-going-there sessions with Emma is still not so desperate that he doesn't look utterly terrified at this idea. April: "Kidding. Not really." Ah, kidding on the sly. The emotionally stunted person's preferred method of getting into someone else's pants. (Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.) But April is happy to tell Will that she's looking for an apartment to rent. The only condition is that now that April is "full time fancy," (by which I think she means no longer squatting in foreclosed properties), she's going to want to check the apartment out before she agrees to rent it. So she bids him adieu, telling him that she's going to get a bikini wax and she'll see him tomorrow. You know, I never waxed before going to an open house. Maybe that's why I didn't get all those condos. Commercials

Sue's office. It's weigh-in day for the Cheerios. First up is Becky, who's excited to see that she's lost two pounds. Sue: "Well, Becky, you are assimilating beautifully. Instead of being different, and an outcast, you're just like every other teenage girl in America, sadly obsessed with vanity. Hey, before you know it you'll be leaving little baggies of upchuck in your parents' linen closet." That's Sue Sylvester, folks -- a role model for young women everywhere. And now it's time for Mercedes. Sue's not thrilled that she's still in her tracksuit, but Mercedes is very optimistic that all of her exercise and starvation will show some good results. And then she gets on the scale and finds that she gained two pounds. Sue's not happy, and she tells Mercedes that she's only got four days to lose the weight and get into a skirt. Mercedes doesn't know what to do, and Sue tells her that the only lesson any Cheerio ever needs to learn is "you do whatever it takes." I think Sue is telling Mercedes that she should murder Sue and dump her body in a swamp. (You guys, I just made myself miss Mary Cherry.)

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Glee

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