I Do

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 9 USERS: C-
Take Back The Cake, Burn The Shoes, And Boil The Rice

A few minutes later (I'm guessing), everybody's done, and we check in first with St. Gay Of Lima and Dreamboat Blaine, the latter of whom's quite happily making a bigger deal out of their little tryst than he probably should, given St. Gay's carefully noncommittal reaction to it all. And once they've finished with their little postcoital chat, St. Gay discreetly exits their hotel room on his own, leaving Dreamboat Blaine to merrily flop back onto the bed...

...just as Quinn does the same over in her room. "So that's why college girls experiment," she jokes. "And thank God they do," Santana titters back. "It was fun," Quinn admits, feeling chatty for whatever reason, "and I've always wondered what it would be like to be with another woman, but -- I don't know -- I think for me it was a one-time thing." "Look, you don't have to worry," Santana assures her. "I'm not gonna show up at your house with U-Haul." Quinn laughs a bit at that, and she picks up a handy bottle of water to rehydrate as she wonders what happens next. Santana suggests Quinn could walk out first...or they could stay where they are and "make it a two-time thing." Make it a two-time thing. Trust me on this one. And you can thank me later. Quinn gets a frisky sparkle in her eyes and slams down the water bottle...

...just as Overeager Artie does the same over in his room. "Was it good for you?" he asks. "I don't know," Big-Boobed Betty replies. "You?" "No idea." They hold each other's gaze for a moment, then burst out laughing. And in another tricky little transition, the camera slides from their bed...

...over to New Puck's in his room. Both he and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel are fully attired, because they didn't Do It, because they are morons. And as they exit to head back to the dance, the camera follows along until they pass by...

...The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway, who emerges from her suite's bathroom fully attired to gather up her belongings from the bed. Bloaty The Gravy Clown's passed out and snoring, so Old Idiot Rachel leans in gently to kiss him on the back of his head before turning to vanish into this evening's next commercial break.

My Ancestral Homeland. The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway enters the loft to find Dean Geyer waiting for her, and he's decorated the place in her absence so they might enjoy a belated Valentine's Day together. By the way, not once has anyone mentioned Santana's trip to Brooklyn at the end of last week's episode, which makes me wonder -- again, some more -- why they shoehorned that particular subplot into that particular episode, but whatever. Last week blew, and this week's been bizarrely entertaining, so I won't dwell. In any event, Old Idiot Rachel and Dean Geyer make schmoopy noises at each other and mack, and for some ridiculous reason, Dean Geyer immediately knows she spent a night with her old boyfriend. He proceeds to lecture her on the need for honesty in an open relationship -- which: Good point -- and after she breezily admits to her little assignation back in Ohio, he thanks her for her candor. "And what about you, huh?" she teases. "Who did you see, who did you do? I'm sure there were a lot of lonely girls in New York City on Valentine's Day..." "I stayed at home and watched weightlifting videos," he swears.

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