Judges' room. Sue walks into the door and greets her fellow judges: "Newton-John? You're dead to me. Remington, Horsey, have a seat and listen to me. I don't care who comes in first, I don't care who places second, but I have a very strong opinion about who comes in third." Rod interrupts her to sing the praises of "Bohemian Rhapsody." "You know, I partied with Freddy Mercury back in the '70s. And I partied... hard, if you know what I mean. Back then, people weren't so obsessed with labels." ONJ, for her part, is offended that only one of the groups chose to honor her by singing one of her many, many hits. Which is why she thinks Aural Intensity should win. Horsey, a.k.a., Josh Groban, raises his hand. Sue, the dutiful teacher, calls on him. Groban: "Two questions. One, are you single? And two, how 'bout those New Directions?" Horsey liked their heart. ONJ thinks heart is overrated. Sue agrees. But ONJ can't stop there -- she slams New Direction's production values, asking if they're "a poor person's school?" Horsey praises Rachel. ONJ: "Brunettes have no place in show business." Sue starts to get a little defensive, pointing out that the N.D. performers are just kids. And then ONJ slams Sue's status as a celebrity. Rod agrees, likening Sue and the New Directions kids to "underachievers with delusions of grandeur." Horsey: "Daaagnabit! Now even I have to admit that I'm a little confused as to what Sue's doing in this room. Wasn't the theme tonight supposed to be 'Celebrity Judges'?" And then the judges vote.

Decision time. V.A., N.D., and A.I. are on the stage. Let's all pretend that there were more than three groups at the Midwestern Regional competition and that the others just sucked so badly that they didn't deserve a place on the stage for the announcement of the winners. Rachel and Jesse exchange glares. Sue thanks the audience for coming: "As you all know, Glee Club is such an important... and I honestly can't even finish that sentence." She announces the runners-up. And it's "the not-at-all-stupidly-named Aural Intensity." And the winners are... Vocal Adrenaline! 'Topes lose, 'Topes lose, 'Topes lose. And Rod hands Will a tiny trophy for participation. The kids in N.D. realize that they didn't even place, which means the end of the club. Commercials.