Kurt and Brittany make out on his tasteful white leather sofa, with a row of tea lights on the coffee table. Brit-Brit keeps moving her hand up Kurt's ass, and he keeps pushing it back down to his thigh. He tells her that her lip-gloss tastes like root beer. And then: "Can I ask you something? What do boys' lips taste like?" Brittany, God bless her, is not put off at all. "Usually dip. Sometimes burgers. Or my armpits." That's because she loves for guys to kiss her armpits. But how does she know what her own armpit tastes like? And then Burt walks down the stairs. He almost turns around and leaves, and then interrupts to ask them if he's interrupting something. Kurt and Brit sit up, and Burt tells Kurt how confused he is. "I came home to find this note on your doorknob. 'Do not enter under any circumstances, I'm making out with a girl.' And I just thought it was the start of one of your murder mystery dinners." Best of all is that Kurt put that message on a custom-made "do not disturb" sign. Kurt tells Burt he really needs him to respect his privacy, since he and Brit were "just having sexual relations." Burt finally looks like he doesn't know what to do about his teenage son, and gestures for Kurt to come talk to him a little more privately. Burt basically wants to know whether Kurt is gay or not. Kurt claims that he's discovered that he and Burt have a lot in common, including the love of vaginas and breasts. Burt tells Kurt that he's free to be whoever he is: "Just let me know when you make up your mind. I'm gonna do the best I can, but I'm good either way." Burt leaves, but not before telling them to be careful and use protection if things get serious. Brit-Brit: "Does he mean like a burglar alarm?" I have to think that Burt wouldn't be so cavalier about Kurt possibly having sex if he actually thought it was going to happen.
In the hallway at school, Puck is boring Mercedes and me with his chatter about the revolutionary nature of some feature in Super Mario Brothers 3. Not only is it supremely nerdy, but my personal nerds tell me that he's wrong -- the thing he's talking about is from some other game. Mercedes tells him that she agreed to date him because of his great arms and the serious musical chemistry that they share, but that she has needs beyond hearing about his video game theories. Namely, right now she needs a frozen coffee drink. Which he realizes actually means he should get her one. As he walks away, he notices that Jewfro averts his gaze. So Puck throws him against the wall and asks why he didn't look at Puck. Jewfro explains that it's because dating Mercedes has made Puck so cool that everyone is terrified of him. "Some of the guys who threw you in the dumpster actually transferred today out of fear of retaliation." Puck looks happy but surprised -- although, wasn't this his plan all along? It's either bad writing, or Puck is dimmer than I thought. You be the judge. Puck is so happy he doesn't beat Jewfro up, but he does steal his lunch money to use to buy Mercedes her coffee drink.