In Ohio: A school-wide blackout inspires Mr. Schue to have the children go all Unplugged as this week's pre-Regionals assignment, and New Finn ends up confessing a deep, dark secret to everyone that prompts Pretty Kitty to confess a strikingly similar deep, dark secret to him alone in return. However, just when it seems like the two kiddies might be drawing closer together, romantically speaking, over their shared past misfortunes, New Finn veers away from her to continue his pursuit of that Mysterious Internet Correspondent Who Is Probably Still Not-So-Unique.
In New York: Sarah Jessica Parker returns to host a Vogue-sponsored spring gala for The New York City Ballet, recruiting St. Gay Of Lima, The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway, and the somewhat directionless Santana Lopez as her assistants, because of course she does. Naturally, and almost in spite of herself, Santana falls under Sarah Jessica Parker's fabulously-attired spell, much as St. Gay and Old Idiot Rachel themselves did in the past, and after a few heartfelt exchanges just prior to the party, Santana emerges from the experience with a newfound sense of purpose. Or something like that.
Meanwhile: Coach Sylvester is now quite happily working as an aerobics instructor, thank you very much, and neither the gentle cajoling of Dreamboat Blaine nor the desperate pleas of Becky Jackson will draw her back to The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High ever again. Well, until Jane Lynch is done with her stint on Broadway, at least.
Featuring "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' (Plus A Couple Of Gs, Apparently)" by The Righteous Brothers, as performed by Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen and his gee-tar; a fairly exacting recreation of this piece of softcore Swedish exercise porn, with vocals by Steve Winwood; that little-known R.E.M. classic "Everybody's Molested," as performed by New Finn; a Stomp-flavored version of Queen's "We Will Rock You," as sung by (most of) The Glee Guys, with backup provided by (most of) The Glee Gals; "Little Girls" from Annie, as performed by Coach Sylvester; "At The Ballet" from A Chorus Line, as performed by Santana Lopez and Sarah Jessica Parker, with a little support from Old Idiot Rachel and St. Gay Of Lima; and Billy Joel's "The Longest Time," as performed by the kiddies of The New New Directions.
Music Room. New Puck, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen enter to find Artie, Not-So-Unique, Pretty Kitty and New Finn busily tapping away on their phones. New Finn, of course, is sending suspiciously well-spelled messages to His Mysterious Internet Correspondent, complaining about the fact that His Mysterious Internet Correspondent has stood him up twice already. "Why are you afraid to meet me?" New Finn texts. "IDK," replies His Mysterious Internet Correspondent. Unfortunately, I don't speak stupid, so I have no idea what that response actually means, but judging by the way New Finn's now sucking on his teeth, I'm guessing it's not good. [Note: "IDK" (ironically) means "I don't know." -- Rachel.] New Finn finally lifts his eyes from his screen to note that Pretty Kitty's also pecking away at her keyboard, and he immediately demands to know who she's chatting with. "I'm playing 4 Pics 1 Word, weirdo stalker," she sneers back, adding, "Do I need to get a restraining order?"
If she does, she won't be able to do so for several more minutes, as Mr. Schue's just now arrived from points elsewhere to shout, "Guys, we got a problem! Her name is Frida Romero!"
Smear sideways to some malnourished teenager wailing "The Star-Spangled Banner" in an anonymous rehearsal studio. "With Regionals only a few weeks away," Mr. Schue's Voiceover narrates, "I went to scout out the competition." Sure enough, Actual Mr. Schue skulks into view in the hallway adjacent, and he stands there with mouth agape as the anemic tween commits vile and repulsive acts of entirely unwarranted villainy against our national anthem until it's time to...
...smear back to the present. "The Hoosier Daddies have a secret weapon," he glumly informs the kiddies, and I'm sorry, but does this mean this poodle-headed dipshit just drove six hours round-trip to sneak into a public high school so he could watch that dangerously underfed toddler scream for all of fifteen seconds? Does North Central not have a YouTube presence at all? GOD, Will's an idiot.
ANY-way, Mr. Schue claims The Screamer's voice "could fill an arena," and adds that the only way the kiddies of The New New Directions could ever hope to beat their primary competition is by going "huge." He's talking "epic songs that will blow the heads off a hundred thousand people at a time," and just as I get ready to question his choice of words, there, given the late unpleasantness at McKinley High, the lights go out. D'OH!