Glee
Mash-Off

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Demian: B | Grade It Now!
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Mash-Off

"It's happened," Puck's voiceover announces as the camera fades up to find the superannuated teen loitering next to his locker between classes at McKinley High. "The lion king Puckfasa has been caged," Puck's voiceover continues as Idina Menzel and her fabulous hair and her swiveling hips round the far corner of the hallway to approach us in ultra-high-glamour slow-motion, and yes, I actually had to research Lion King just now to get that particular reference right because I have no desire to sit through that particular children's movie, ever. "I've been in love before," Puck's voiceover claims, "but this time feels different." Idina shoots Puck A Look as she saunters past while Puck himself practically unhinges his lower jaw to unroll his tongue. "This time feels grown-up," Puck's voiceover insists, hastily adding, "Don't judge me -- I'm eighteen! It's legal!" "Besides," Puck's voiceover argues as Puck turns to follow Idina down the hall, "the age difference isn't that crazy -- just look at Ashton and Demi! Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal? Woody Allen and that Chinese girl!" Stellar examples, all, Puck. By this point, Actual Puck's taken off in one direction while Idina heads in the other, the better for him to race through the halls so he might plant himself directly in her line of vision once she rounds yet another corner, still in that ultra-high-glam slo-mo. "When she looks at me," Puck's voiceover confesses, "I don't feel like a boy anymore. I feel like the man I've always wanted to be -- a family man!"

Cut to fourth-period Geometry, which Puck now lives for, according to his continuing voiceover, as Idina's been subbing ever since the regular teacher ate some bad cantaloupe. Even though Puck knows he's supposed to be learning about "grammars and stuff," all he can actually think about is what color underwear Idina's wearing, and "if she knows how to dance." During that last bit, Actual Puck's gone cross-eyed with something I'm going to interpret as Mark Salling's version of "juvenile lust," and the screen goes all fuzzy for a bit until we've slipped completely into...

...this evening's first fantasy sequence, which involves a whole raft of regular characters reenacting the most immediately relevant bits of this. Idina, naturally, features prominently as the song's titular educator, though she's far more modestly attired for her flashy runway strut than the bleached-blonde beauty bimbo in the original video. Meanwhile, down on the floor, Frankenteen, Dreamboat Blaine, Gaylord Weiner, Santana Lopez, and Brit-Brit join Puck and a host of nameless extras as they all leap up on the desks for some glittery generalized mayhem, and I don't know what scares me more: The fact that all the kids in the original video are now in their forties, or the fact that Mark Salling is older than this song.

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Glee

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