Emma and Ken Tanaka approach Will with a particularly unusual dilemma. While they still intend to solemnize their non-marriage marriage, and while Emma's even gone so far as to ease back a bit on her initial demands and agree to an actual ceremony on a remote Hawaiian beach (my guess: Kalaupapa), Tanaka-san will not be denied a first dance with his bride, and here's the problem: Emma wants their song to be "I Could Have Danced All Night" from My Fair Lady, while Ken's insisting upon "The Thong Song." Might Will be able to mash those together into a form acceptable to both parties? Oh, and could he maybe possibly teach Emma how to dance, too? Will agrees, and it's here that the problems begin, for Will's utterly incapable of interacting with Emma without flirting with her, and Emma's utterly incapable of telling Will to knock it the hell off, so it's little surprise that Ken soon catches them in what appears to be a compromising position.
Seeking vengeance, the coach orders an additional mandatory football practice that directly conflicts with the previously scheduled Glee Club rehearsals, and tells Finn, Puck, Gaylord Weiner, and Butt Lunch that they have to choose between athletics (and the joys of adolescent popularity attendant upon such pursuits, naturally) or the arts (and the daily Slushie attacks they'll be forced to endure once they've been reassigned to the subbasement of McKinley's social hierarchy). Surprisingly, Puck, Gaylord Weiner, and Butt Lunch immediately side with the Glee Club, so it's left to mumble-brained Finn to show Coach Ken the error of his ways. Which Finn does, because this is a happy little fictional story on the TV rather than real life.
In other news, The Puckermans' annual Simchas Torah ritual of sweet and sour pork plus Schindler's List results in Mother Puckerman likening her thankless son to the Nazis because he seems incapable of dating a proper sheyne meydele, so Puck sets his sights on Rachel, because, after all, they're a couple of good-looking Jews, so why fight it? Rachel's cool with making out with him and all, but she can't take the relationship to the next level unless he shows a willingness to assume greater responsibility in the Glee Club, so we end up with Mark Salling doing a solo cover of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" in front of the entire Club, and that's it -- he and I need to get married now. Rachel's no fool, however, and knows Puck's got as much of a thing for Quinn as Rachel herself has for Quinn's supposed impregnator, so Rachel cuts short their burgeoning courtship, much to Puck's poorly concealed chagrin.
Finally, Sue Sylvester finds love in a most unlikely place, but when her newfound paramour gets her hopes up only to two-time her just days before their big date, she lashes out by cutting Quinn from the cheerleading squad. Which is how it should be, because Happy Sue was kind of creeping me out. -- Demian
We see hands filling up a "Big Quench" cup with non-trademarked slushie product. And then carrying the slushie through the halls of McKinley High while the soundtrack acapellas "Flight of the Bumblebees" at us. Which tells me that the slushie machine is in the high school. I want that franchise. Various students see the slushie cup and hurriedly jump out of the way. Mercedes sees it and screams out, "Mah weave!" Well, at least the bitch didn't pour beer in your weave. Rachel gasps with fear as the slushie approaches -- and then looks almost sad with rejection as it passes her by. Instead, the slushie is flung in the face of Finn. Finn grabs the slushinator and throws him against the wall, asking what the hell's going on. The slushinator is a hockey jock, who's decided that since Finn is now singing in Glee and has "insperminated the queen of the Chastity Ball," he's now below the hockey team on the social pyramid and is fair game for slushie attacks. Quinn and Finn are aghast at this development.
In the lounge, Will is spreading mayonnaise on his sandwich when Emma and Ken approach his table. They have a favor to ask. It seems that notwithstanding Emma's insistence that nobody know about their marriage, she has agreed to an actual wedding ceremony (as opposed to getting married by proxy, I suppose) on a beach in Hawaii (where nobody will know them). And she's also agreed to let Ken have a first (and, I imagine, last) dance. But the two of them can't decide on a song. Emma wants "I Could Have Danced All Night," (which Will gushes over like some big 'mo), while Ken wants "The Thong Song." So, taking an inspiration from two episodes ago, Ken and Emma are hoping Will can put together a mash-up of the two songs. Also, Emma needs dance lessons. Because Ken "had a monster case of athlete's foot a couple years back, had to get all [his] toenails removed, so she steps on [his] feet during the dance, [he'll] pass out." Gosh, I can't imagine why he's stayed single so long. Emma offers to pay Will for his time, but he wants to give them the lessons as a wedding present.
Music room. Quinn is sitting on Finn's lap and cleaning the slushie residue off his face. She's seriously worried that the two of them need to find a way to be cool again. Rachel is looking on forlornly, while Kurt and Mercedes predict that if Finn and Quinn got nailed with slushies, nobody in Glee is safe. Will enters and reminds the kids that sectionals are coming up. He noticed that they liked mash-ups, and he wants them to understand that sometimes two things that don't appear to go together can be great together (like bacon and chocolate, or football and Glee). So he hands out sheet music for "Bust A Move" and tells them their assignment is to find a good song to pair it with. But not before they sing the song by itself. None of the boys will volunteer to do the solo, so Will steps up to do it (but not before stripping down to a t-shirt). Which was okay once, but they have to stop revisiting this well. We all want to see Matthew Morrison sing and dance (and stripping down to his t-shirt is a good start), but Mr. Schuester can't keep singing lead for the Glee Club. Anyway, Mr. Schue sings and dances. And yes, at one point he does touch Quinn's face -- but it's more like a kindly uncle pinching her cheeks and less like a pervert copping a feel. So relax. Although even if he's not being pervy, it's super dorky for a teacher to be dancing like this. All the kids get into the singing and dancing except for Kurt. And when Will drags him to his feet and sings to him about some girl who's stacked, Kurt just mouths, "Oh my God," and walks away. And then Will does the splits right into the credits.