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The Princess And The Peabrain

All of the kids are in powder-blue pajamas, sitting in canvas chairs and primping in front of makeup mirrors. Tina: "I can't believe we're finally breaking into the biz." Yes, because those three months you've been singing were such grueling work. You've really paid your dues. Rachel wants them to always remember this moment, even if they all do become famous. Mercedes: "Whatever. Soon as I get my record deal, I'm not speaking to any of you." The director (formerly known as the photographer) and Mr. Mattress walk over the kids. Mr. Mattress, a rather stout fellow, tells them, "Guys, we're very excited to have you here. We here at Mattressland believe that mattresses aren't just for sleeping and fornicating anymore." That's right, they're also for lazy TV watching. And depressed eating of ice cream. Wait, that might just be my mattress. The director wants them to run through their lines. Finn, Puck, Mercedes, and Rachel all have lines, and they're about as good as you might expect. Which means they're pretty bad. Rachel tells the director that while the script is brilliant, they're a glee club and should perform. Director: "Perform the lines as I wrote them." But Mr. Mattress is intrigued, and he wants to see what this performance would entail. What it would entail is a great rousing performance of Van Halen's "Jump," in which the kids jump all over mattresses (some of which are clearly trampolines with mattress tops) and dance and have a ridiculously good time. (All except for Artie, who mostly sits in his chair holding a sign that says "Jump.") The director is clearly unimpressed, but Mr. Mattress is digging it, and can't help jumping a few times himself. And I have to agree with Mr. Mattress -- this is a great commercial, and makes me want to run out and buy a mattress.

Will is at home, laying out his suit for the school picture and looking for... something in the closets and dressers of his bedroom. He calls out to Terri, asking if she's seen his pocket square. She doesn't answer, so he keeps looking. And then looks in her lingerie drawer. Because I guess a pocket square could be mistaken for a bra or pair of panties. And in the back of one drawer he finds ... a pregnancy pad. DUN!

Will walks into the kitchen, where Terri is cooking dinner. Without looking up, she tells him, "A pocket square's going to make you look like Ted Knight." Does she mean Ted Knight or Ted Baxter? But then she looks up and sees Will holding the pregnancy pad in his hand. He asks what it is, and she tells him that they use them at maternity stores to try on clothes to see if they will fit in the near future, and that Kendra stole one so that Terri could try on some of Kendra's old clothes. I'm astonished that Terri was able to think of that lie so quickly. And it was actually fairly believable. Maybe she was really an honors student when she was in high school. Or maybe she's just an incredible sociopath. You be the judge. Will clearly does not believe the lie this time. He demands to see Terri's stomach. She refuses. So Will throws the pregnancy pad across the kitchen with some force, knocking over some stuff. He asks again, and Terri takes great umbrage at the implication that she would make up an entire pregnancy and lie to him about it. Eh, if the implication fits.

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