In Ohio: Dreamboat Blaine and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen decide to spend this week in New York.
In New York: Dreamboat Blaine and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen stow their belongings in The Improbably Bohemian Bushwick Loft, then set out on their separate adventures, with Dreamboat Blaine nailing a Fake Drama School audition we'll never get to see, apparently, while Lady Lips completely blows his interview at Hunter College. Seems Hunter has this special scholarship for ex-strippers kindly financed by Channing Tatum, and Lady Lips is convinced it represents his only means of affording higher education, so needless to say, he's a bit put out when it becomes clear he won't be accepted. Fortunately, The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway corrals a photographer friend of hers from the revival to shoot a modeling portfolio for Sam, and he ends up getting signed by a Tyra Banks lookalike at The House Of Bichette.
Of course, there are several problems with all of this, most notably the fact that Old Idiot Rachel starts making googly eyes at Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen while oiling him up for his photographs, but it also turns out that The House Of Bichette won't even consider booking him for a job until he loses an additional ten pounds. So, his friends convince him to renege on his contract (if he ever actually signed one in the first place) and try his luck elsewhere.
In Other News: More stupid relationship crap. Oh, and Artie gets all up in Becky Jackson's business, even though she explicitly tells him to go to hell several times during the course of the episode, because he's convinced he knows what's best for her. And wouldn't you know it? He actually does! By the end of the episode, Becky's made arrangements to attend The University Of Cincinnati after graduation, even though she already had a perfectly good -- and guaranteed -- job at McKinley High for the rest of her life.
Featuring a veritable plethora of Billy Joel songs for reasons I'm going to ignore until the recap proper, including "Movin' Out," as performed by Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen and Dreamboat Blaine on their way to Brooklyn; "Piano Man," as performed by Dreamboat Blaine at Café Contrivance, with Lady Lips providing accompaniment on a harmonica he somehow manages not to inhale through his enormous mouth; "My Life," as performed by New Puck, primarily in the McKinley High locker room, so that was nice; "Honesty," as performed by Artie for Becky, onstage in The April Rhodes Civic Pavilion; "An Innocent Man," as performed by Stupid Boring New Idiot Finn as part of his successful attempt to woo his stupid boring new idiot girlfriend; "Just The Way You Are," as performed by The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway, St. Gay Of Lima, Santana Lopez, and Dreamboat Blaine for the benefit of Lady Lips back at the loft; and "You May Be Right," as performed by Mr. Schuester, the various children of The New New Directions, and hundreds of extras in The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High.
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Will blunders his way through The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High, bumbling past several table displays with titles like "Burger Repair" and "Sewage Processing" affixed above them on the walls until he finally catches up with Sue and wonders what gives. Seems we've arrived in the middle of "The First Annual McKinley High Career Fair," which is something you'd think Emma would have dreamed up in her role as the school's sole guidance counselor, but as Jayma Mays has been spending much of her life as of late on a truly horrible sitcom, the primary responsibility for this evening's wacky plot-stirrer has fallen upon Principal Sylvester's more-than-capable shoulders. And she seems quite proud of her accomplishment, indeed, even after Will points out, "These jobs are terrible!" "It's not the '90s anymore," Sue counters, "when any high-school dropout could stumble his way into a six-figure salary as COO of a dot-com startup." "Upon graduation," she reminds him, "our students will be entering the most competitive job market in recent history." Change "most competitive" to "absolute worst" and we're probably closer to the truth, Sue.
Naturally, Will blows past both Sue's sage arguments and my equally sage amendments to same to complain about the fact that he's not seeing "a booth for theater, or music or dance." "There is nothing here representing a career in the arts!" he whines. "That's because there's no such thing as 'a career in the arts,'" Sue patiently explains, and let's face it: She's not entirely off the mark, there, now is she? "I will not encourage members of this student body," she continues, "to further endanger their already uncertain futures in the unrealistic and narcissistic pursuit of stardom, when the very best they're likely to achieve is coaching a high school Glee Club and marrying a redheaded googly-eyed Homo afarensis with early-onset Dressing Like An Old Lady Disorder. Not gonna do it." She got the genus wrong, there, but I'm still not disagreeing with her primary point. "However," Sue kindly concedes, totally ignoring me, as befits a fake person on the television set, "if you would like to set up a stool in between Salad Artistry and Fecal Sculpture, well, you're more than welcome to regale passersby with your inspiring story of how you dreamt of Broadway stardom, and ended up rapping for high-schoolers with a head of hair that looks just like Olympia Dukakis's merkin." And that certainly represents a fascinating bit of imagery. In any event, Will rolls his eyes and sighs his way straight into this evening's title card.