McKinley High Library. Artie meets up with Bloaty The Gravy Clown so the latter might task him with tracking down Coach Sylvester's issue of Penthouse. "You want me to spend the next few days carefully paging through decades and decades of vintage pornography?" Artie breathes. Finn nods. "You've come to the right place!" Artie confidently assures him. Atta boy. Once that's settled, Artie takes advantage of this relatively quiet moment to inform Frankenteen of his reservations regarding the calendar shoot. As you've probably guessed, he's none too eager to strip down for the cameras for various reasons, and I'll leave it at that, as the dialogue in this scene definitely takes a nasty turn for the After School Special about two lines in. Bloaty The Gravy Clown thanks Artie for his honesty, and assures him he doesn't have to participate if he doesn't want to.

Meanwhile, down in the locker room, New Finn and New Puck go all homoerotic on the audience's collective behind for a bit until Single-T Tina and New Quinn barge in with their calendar assignments. New Finn's been given February and July, so he'll of course be wearing heart boxers for one photo and posing as "Sexy Uncle Sam" for the other, while New Puck got June and October, so it's strategically-placed surfboards and pumpkins for him. With all that taken care of, Single-T Tina and New Quinn make their exit, leaving the boys alone to discuss New Puck's boring relationship issues, so we'll be skipping ahead to...

...CRAP! The next scene consists of nothing more than New Puck crooning this boring piece of tuneless trite crap at Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel over in the music room, so it's back to...

...Brooklyn for us. We arrive at The Improbably Bohemian Loft just as The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway does the same, and all of us are as surprised as she is, I'm sure, to find Santana Lopez and Old Quinn waiting there for her. "OHMIGOD!!!" Rachel squeals. "WHATREYOUDOINGHERE?!?!?!!" "Lady Homo called, begging us to perform an emergency intervention," Santana smiles. "On who?" Rachel dims. "On you," Old Quinn duhs. DUN! Also: Another commercial break!

"So let me get this straight," The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway begins once we've returned. "You guys came all the way to New York just to talk to me?" "We're also here to shop," Santana Lopez shrugs. "And we're here to apologize to Quinn for slapping her across the face," Old Quinn passively-aggressively adds. "In theory," Santana shoots back before refocusing the conversation on Rachel like so: "You cannot do a nude scene!" The Horrible Hooker protests that she's only going topless, but even that's too much for Santana. "Topless," she notes, "is as nude as anyone is ever gonna want to see you." Heh.