Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High. Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen approaches Artie and asks him to reconsider participating in the calendar shoot. "But I don't want to be the only one wearing clothes!" Artie protests. "You won't be!" Lady Lips replies.
Cut to a montage of the final calendar photographs, and I suppose I should give you the full rundown: January features a shirtless Dreamboat Blaine holding an obscenely large bottle of champagne against his crotch while standing in front of an oddly-chosen pre-Trade Center collapse New York City skyline; February, as previously revealed, goes to New Finn in his little heart boxers and little else; March gives us Artie in full leprechaun regalia, complete with an overflowing pot of gold balanced on one knee; June has New Puck in full Psycho Beach Party mode; July, as promised, is Sexy Uncle New Finn; August means Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen offers us his best David Hasselhoff impression, though in keeping with his deal with Artie, he's sporting a zipped-up red windbreaker over his swim trunks; September also features Lady Lips, this time fully clothed as a salacious schoolboy; October appropriately sends many screaming in horror with its vision of New Puck as a lascivious pumpkin; November goes to Pilgrim Artie, complete with fake roast turkey; and we finally swing back around to Dreamboat Blaine for December, with a festive Yuletide image that was released a month and a half ago.
April and May are months that will never happen again. Ever.
Over in the music room, The Glee Guys busily autograph calendars for a seemingly neverending line of admiring young ladies. "You have such broad shoulders!" Dottie Kazatori sighs as New Finn inks his name all over February. "If you ever want to tap this," she giggles, "just say the word." Atta girl. Wait, what am I saying? Scratch that, and replace it with this: BACK OFF BITCH HE'S MINE.