On the other end of the room, Sweet Sue slinks up to Frankenteen long enough to confirm that The Glee Club has met its fundraising goal for the evening, then leaves after promising to have Old Finn's bloated ass "slowly roasting on a spit" by Valentine's Day. Tasty!

Somewhere else, New Puck and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel profess their undying lzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Back at the table, Becky Jackson makes a playful pass at Artie, Brit-Brit says something exceptionally endearing to Lady Lips, and Artie grins that he's "really excited about this new year." "Me, too," Lady Lips agrees. "It's a new year," he declares, "and a new me!"

Smash to this evening's final performance, a suspiciously professional-looking video featuring the children of The New New Directions offering us their version of A Great Big World's "This Is The New Year," and this was also leaked long before the episode actually aired, just so you know. It's another great, big, anthemic blowout of a piece, much like last season's "We Are Young," but it feels far less organic than the others they've done in the past, what with the absurdly high level of polish on display. Of note: New Quinn will henceforth be known as "Kitty," mainly because of the exquisite amounts of shade she's hurling in Guy With Gross Hair's direction during this number; Sugar Motta must be rotting away in that unmarked mass grave with The Rosedale Mennonites because she sure as hell hasn't been anywhere near my television screen tonight; and New Finn and Not-So-Unique would make an adorable couple. No, don't laugh at that -- I'm serious. Sigh! Other than that -- and other than me wondering why they didn't hang onto this song for Regionals -- there's not a lot to say before we finally fade to black.

Next week: The Dee-VUHZ! Dee-vuhz dee-vuhz! DEE-VUZZZZZZZ!

Demian has no idea what his SAT scores were. You may share yours with him at demian_twop@yahoo.com.