Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 3 USERS: A
I'm All Out of Faith

...CRAP! The next scene consists of nothing more than New Puck crooning this boring piece of tuneless trite crap at Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel over in the music room, so it's back to...

...Brooklyn for us. We arrive at The Improbably Bohemian Loft just as The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway does the same, and all of us are as surprised as she is, I'm sure, to find Santana Lopez and Old Quinn waiting there for her. "OHMIGOD!!!" Rachel squeals. "WHATREYOUDOINGHERE?!?!?!!" "Lady Homo called, begging us to perform an emergency intervention," Santana smiles. "On who?" Rachel dims. "On you," Old Quinn duhs. DUN! Also: Another commercial break!

"So let me get this straight," The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway begins once we've returned. "You guys came all the way to New York just to talk to me?" "We're also here to shop," Santana Lopez shrugs. "And we're here to apologize to Quinn for slapping her across the face," Old Quinn passively-aggressively adds. "In theory," Santana shoots back before refocusing the conversation on Rachel like so: "You cannot do a nude scene!" The Horrible Hooker protests that she's only going topless, but even that's too much for Santana. "Topless," she notes, "is as nude as anyone is ever gonna want to see you." Heh.

Old Quinn proposes a three-part thought experiment based upon what she calls "The 2-2-2 Rule." Part One: How will Old Idiot Rachel feel about her decision in two weeks? "You'll probably feel pretty great," Santana supposes, adding, "You'll get to feel the nice, cool breeze on them skeeter bites -- you'll feel refreshed even!" Old Idiot Rachel agrees with this assessment, so Old Quinn moves on to Part Two: How will Old Idiot Rachel feel about her decision in two months? "Nervous?" a suddenly flustered Rachel ventures. "Worried it may not even be good?" she guesses. "It's a student film," Santana stresses. "It's not gonna be good." And with Part Two thus so efficiently handled, Old Quinn moves on to Part Three: How will Old Idiot Rachel feel about her decision in two years? "Guilty," Rachel admits, "just hoping my kids will never see it online." "Oh, they'll see it," Santana darkly assures her, "and they will never be the same!" Hee! "But some women find it empowering to be naked on film!" Rachel argues. Perhaps, Santana concedes, "but not in a student film that is probably about someone's grandma with Alzheimer's." "For once, we actually have your best interests in mind," Santana insists. "Please don't do it," Old Quinn implores. The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway pouts, for she knows not what to do.

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