Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
Never Been Kissed

I might have embellished a little bit.

Meanwhile, back in hell, the Glee Gals work on their costumes for the big showdown until Puck wheels Artie into the music room, and as I'm trying to ignore this subplot, I'll simply note that Puck and Artie ask Santana and Brittany to dinner at BreadstiX in the rudest manner possible, and leave it at that.

Teachers' lounge. Will's alone, pouring himself a cup of abusive public school coffee when Coach Beiste wanders in to wonder what gives with his weirdo Glee kids, what with the way they've been mouthing off to her recently. "I'm the coach here," she needlessly reminds him, "and if the students here don't respect me, I can't do my job." Newsflash, Beiste: Some of your students will never respect you because they abhor what you represent, which is the fact that athletics are far more valued than academics in every single goddamned high school in this country, so go cry into your $14,000 hot tubs and leave me the hell alone.

Wow. Where the hell did that come from?

Anyway, you know how Will told Gaylord and Lady Lips that Coach Beiste could never find out that the kids were using her as some sort of boner-killing anti-fantasy? He was lying. "The kids are using you as some sort of boner-killing anti-fantasy," Will basically tells her. And instead of reacting as any sane adult would -- you know, by going, "Pfft. Teenagers are assholes, and the world would be a better place if they all dropped dead, am I right?" -- Coach Beiste Takes! It! Personally! and storms from the teachers' lounge in a massive funk, with useless Will shouting apologies at her quickly vanishing back. Way to go, Hair Gel.

BreadstiX, and because I am doing my best to ignore this stupid subplot, I'll simply note that Puck talks a big game about how he ruled the juvie lunch line before he decides they're all going to dine and dash. Artie quite rightfully realizes that's a really shitty thing to do to a waitress, and hangs back long enough to slide her enough money to cover both the check and the poor woman's tip. Unfortunately, Puck catches Artie in the act, and they break up. I think. I mean, I'm pretty sure. Next!

Music room, the following day (I'm guessing). The lovely leather-clad ladies of New Directions perform a deeply ugly mash-up that Frankensteins "Start Me Up" into "Livin' On A Prayer," and as it's patently obvious by now that nearly all of tonight's songs have nearly nothing to do with tonight's plot, I don't have much to say about it, other than to note that Dianna Agron and Naya Rivera look unreasonably hot in their metal-vixen catsuits. Especially Agron, who's, like, illegally hot, because looking that good with Axl Rose's bandana plastered all over your forehead has got to be a crime somewhere in this world. Oh, and in the middle of it all, Kurt gets a text message from Blaine that reads, simply, "Courage," which has absolutely nothing to do with anything else that's going on in this scene, so I can't for the life of me figure out why they decided to shoehorn it in here, and is this over yet? It is. And just as it ends, Becky runs in from the hall with an important missive for Will from Sue: "AUDITORIUM NOW."

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