Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
Never Been Kissed

Out on that external stairwell no school in the snowbelt actually has because of lawsuits, Kurt and Blaine -- who's wearing his Dalton uniform, because Wardrobe apparently couldn't find him some normal clothes for this episode -- climb up to the landing to confront Karofsky regarding the latter's closeted ways, and as this is just a spectacularly idiotic idea on everybody's part, I'll simply note it goes about as well as you'd expect, and it ends with Kurt name-checking this episode's official title when he gets all depressed and such and admits to Blaine, "Up until yesterday, I had never been kissed." Poor princess. At this point, I'm so sick of Kurt's version of the bullshit angst-ridden teenaged high-school romance crap that I'm gonna channel Santana, here: Get yourself a fake ID, honey, hustle your ass down to Somewhere In Time, and put out already. Get it over with! Jesus!

Lair Of The Beiste, otherwise known as "the locker room." Coach Beiste packs a banker's box with various bits of her coaching paraphernalia (and a plant) until Will sneaks up behind her to accuse her of quitting, and as the scene that follows is so completely insulting on so many different levels, I'll once again be cutting to the chase: Will gives the coach a pep talk, but Coach Beiste resists because she's a forty-year-old (LIAR!) boner-killing anti-fantasy who's never been kissed, so Will hikes his tongue down her throat, and she agrees to remain at McKinley. Yes, that's really what happens, and no, I don't know what they were thinking with that, and yes, it's ludicrous that a fortysomething would base her sense of self-worth on what a bunch of snot-nosed little shits think about bangability, and no, I don't understand how Will condescending to offer her a chaste peck on the lips amounts to anything but a slap in the face, but consider this: They were pretty much following Santana's advice here, right? Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on this scene.

Subplot I Really Am Doing My Very Best To Ignore, Even Though It Seems Like I'm Trying To Avoid All Of Them At This Point. Puck and Artie meet up in the hall, where Puck fills Artie in on recent events and admits that juvie terrified him. Artie thinks all of that over for a bit, then proposes the following: If Puck agrees to pick up trash on the side of the road for the next six weeks, Artie will tutor him in Geometry. For whatever reason, Puck's down with that, and he and Artie head towards this evening's final number BFFs 4EVAH. Which might be redundant. Next!

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