Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
Never Been Kissed

Kurt's locker, where he's already set up a shrine to Blaine that is not creepy and inappropriate and stalkerish at all. Karofsky gently nudges Kurt into his own locker this time around, and Kurt melodramatically falls to the floor, where he and his hideously expensive cowl-neck sweater and his yellow boots look very, very sad for a very, very long time until we skitter over to...

...the music room, where Mr. Schue has invited Coach Beiste to witness the Glee Guys' performance. The Glee Guys babble apologies at her until Mr. Schue gets all helpful for once in his life and suggests they get to the goddamned song before everyone drops dead from old age. Only he's a lot nicer about it than I was there. The boys then launch themselves into a horribly misguided mash-up that combines "Stop! In The Name Of Love" with "Free Your Mind," and none of these fools can dance. Either that, or whoever's in charge of the choreography called in drunk this week. Coach Beiste looks almost as horrified as I do at this point, and I wouldn't be surprised if this wretched mess makes her quit all over again. Unfortunately, when the hatefulness finally passes, Coach Beiste is contractually obliged to claim she adored it, and everything ends with the most awkward group hug I've ever the misfortune to witness on TV. Wow. How did an episode that started so well end up sucking so badly?

Next week, Gwyneth Paltrow guests as Mr. Schue's substitute when most of the faculty contract Mexican Influenza. The good news? Terri's back, and two lucky ladies get to perform Chicago's "Hot Honey Rag." The bad news? Gwyneth covers Cee-Lo's "Fuck You." Pity the poor sap who has to recap that piece of crap.

Demian's wondering if you're a porn star, or a drag queen. You may forward your answer to him at

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