Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
Never Been Kissed

Oh, yes: The second team to beat is "The Hipsters, a first-year club from the Warren Township Continuing Education program," which happens to be "composed entirely of elderly people getting their high school GEDs." "Is that legal?" Rachel protests. "How are we supposed to compete against a bunch of adorable old people?" Mercedes grumps. "Brittle bones," Puck darkly warns before elaborating, "Give one of those little old ladies a good-luck pat on the rear, it'll shatter her pelvis!" I'd protest the soul-crushingly casual everyday ageism exemplified by Puck's statement, but this episode isn't interested in that, either, so I'll skip ahead to the bit where Mr. Schue announces this week's challenge: "Since it seemed to get you guys jazzed about Sectionals last year, I wanna make this week our Second Annual Boys Versus Girls Tournament!" Joy. The kids are pumped at this news, though, and I suppose that's what really matters. Mr. Schue orders the class to split up accordingly for their initial strategy sessions, and Kurt of course moves to join the girls, and Mr. Schue of course grunts for Kurt to redirect himself to the boys' side of the room, so Kurt rather pissily plants himself in the middle of all the football players and sulks until the bell rings.

Hall, where Puck arrives at Artie's locker and we arrive at the subplot I'll likely be ignoring for the rest of this recap. Long story short, Puck finagled an early release from juvie by promising the parole board he'd throw himself into community service as a way of making amends for knocking over that ATM. Because picking up trash on the side of the road is too "ghetto" for our dear Mr. Puckerman, he instead vowed to aid this "cripple" he knew who needed some help, and his probation officer went for it. "I'm your community service?" Artie realizes, not exactly displeased with this asinine turn of events. Puck confirms this -- in so many words -- and he wheels "Professor X" into the cafeteria to steal food just as Dave Karofsky gently nudges Kurt into another row of lockers.

"What is your problem?" Kurt screams, to the utter indifference of the several hundred students now swarming around him on their way to lunch. "You talkin' back to me?" Karofsky snarls, getting all up in Kurt's grille. "You wanna piece of the fury?" Karofsky seethes. Kurt and his twee little clockwork bowtie are all, "A piece of the who in the what, now?" so Karofsky menacingly explains that "Fury" is what he named his fist. "Well, with that level of creativity," Kurt sneers, "you could easily become the assistant manager at a rendering plant." Says the kid whose father is a mechanic. "I don't know what that is," Karofsky predictably replies, "but if I find out it's bad, The Fury's gonna find you!" With that, Karofsky again gently nudges Kurt into a row of lockers and clomps off, conveniently passing the just-arriving Mr. Schue as he goes. Mr. Schue takes stock of the situation, makes note of Kurt's apparent distress, and drags everyone's favorite little fashion plate into...

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