We open on Times Square, mysteriously underpopulated. Maybe all the tourists were scared off by the sight of Rachel Berry, standing in her best "I'm gonna make it after all" pose in the middle of the square, wearing an outfit that makes her look like the demented love child of Rainbow Brite and Strawberry Shortcake. She tells nobody in particular, "I made it." And then we get the title card.
The kids are all sitting on the bleachers that have been sitting in Times Square for the last few years. Kurt is leading them in a rousing chorus of "look how far we've come," but as everyone makes plans for all the sights they want to see, Finn reminds them that they still have two songs to write. Sigh. I think that next season, New Directions should just adopt an improv jazz style and give up any pretense of preparation. Kurt thinks they have time for one song before they get to work, and he leads them into the first verse of the Kander & Ebb classic, "New York, New York," actually being sung by the kids in the scene. Rachel interrupts them to announce that she's scored tickets to that Broadway mega-hit, Cats. Brit-Brit is the only one who's happy at that news. Not because the other kids have the sense to know that Cats is an awful show, but because they know it closed a long time ago. Did they make Rachel ride in the cargo hold during their flight to NY? Because severe oxygen-deprivation is about the only plausible excuse I'd allow for her not knowing exactly what shows are playing Broadway at any given moment.
At a product-placed hotel, Will is checking all of the kids into two rooms. Will's plan is to segregate the kids by gender; the desk clerk tells him that other show choirs are separating the kids by sexual orientation. That's a joke, see, because show choir is so very, very gay. Although does that mean Kurt and Santana would share a room by themselves? I bet they'd be down with that idea. Some of the kids wander through the lobby, exchanging weak jokes that tell me this episode was largely written at the last minute. Rachel tells Finn that she's glad Quinn isn't acting like a vindictive harpy over the fact that Finn dumped her. But Finn would rather discuss what's going on between Rachel and Jesse. She tells him that he keeps texting her, but she's sworn off boys until they win Nationals. She wanders away from a gobsmacked Finn, just in time for Will to arrive and ask Finn where Puck has gone off to. And then he actually looks around the room and sees that Puck and Lauren are seated at the bar, where Puck is trying to order a Manhattan. Buzzkill Will arrives in time to summon them to a group meeting in one of the hotel rooms.