Glee
New York

Episode Report Card
LTG: C+ | 2 USERS: A+
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How Do You Get To Carnegie Hall?

In the other room, Kurt and all of the girls except for Rachel are having a pillow fight, turning the room into a feather blizzard. Rachel, grind that she is, is trying to write a song. And then she gets a text from Finn, asking her to dress up and meet him in Central Park.

Will is just walking onto the stage at the theater. That must be one long walk from the door he walked through several scenes ago. The theater's empty, and he's alone, although there are some random lights on. And then he starts singing a song that you can find on Matthew Morrison's recently released album. The song is called "Still Got Tonight," and Mr. Morrison wrote it himself, and the bland, treacly sound does not inspire me to run out and buy the album. And then a crusty... oh, let's say "usher" walks up to the stage and tells Will that he's got the Right Stuff. Does that mean we can shoot him into space?

Finn is waiting, flowers in hand, on Bow Bridge in Central Park. It's still daylight, by the way. In case anybody was demented enough to try to make sense of the timeline of this episode. Rachel walks up to him, in a blue chiffon number, and asks him what's so important. He hands her the flowers and tells her he thought that as captains of the team, they should write a duet for Nationals. He tells her it'll be a totally professional work date.

And then they head to Sardi's (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) for dinner. Rachel dreams of one day getting her own caricature on the walls, while Finn tries to figure out what's in a "salad nikosey." (That's a Salade Ni├žoise to the rest of us.) Finn tells Rachel that she looks pretty, and is then about to say something serious to her when she has a nervous breakdown at the sight of Patti Lupone, who is at that moment getting up from her own table to leave. Rachel is too freaked out to speak to her until she realizes that Kurt will murder her if she lets the opportunity go by. So she introduces herself and tells Ms. Lupone that she's a huge fan. And since she was paid to appear on the episode, Ms. Lupone does not spray her with mace. Instead she makes Rachel promise to never give up. And Rachel had better keep that promise, because Patti Lupone will send people after her if she does not. People she met on the set of Oz. Do not fuck with Patti Lupone, is what I'm saying.

Rachel and Finn walk through the damp streets of Greenwich Village while she talks about how the night has been just like an awesome romantic comedy. "All we need now is for a group of street singers to serenade us." And that's when they walk past Puck, Sam, Mike Chang, and Artie, leaning nonchalantly against a wall. I mean, Artie's not leaning -- he's sitting nonchalantly in his chair. But the effect is the same. I think the four dudes are purely imaginary, because neither Finn nor Rachel acknowledge their presence. Not even after Puck starts playing the accordion and singing "Bella Notte," from Lady and the Tramp. I didn't think this was possible, but playing the accordion somehow makes Puck hotter. The Homeless Troubadours trail after the lovebirds, singing the song. Over the singing, Finn tells Rachel, "Wait. This is the moment in those romantic comedies where I kiss you." Rachel: "I thought this was just a work date?" Wouldn't you have had to do some work for that to be true? They both move in for a kiss, but Rachel bails at the last moment. In a moment that is both ridiculously cheesy and sublimely sexy, Finn whispers to her, "Take a chance on me." But she can't, and she runs off into the night. I sure hope she knows how to get back to the hotel from the Village. And they singers are definitely imaginary. Or incredibly insensitive. Because they sing the climactic end of the song after Rachel runs off. Commercials.

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Glee

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