...hop back over to McKinley's auditorium to watch as Blaine throws himself into his rendition of a thoroughly obscure song entitled "Cough Syrup" that was originally performed by something called "Young The Giant," and for the remainder of this sequence, the action keeps flipping back and forth between Dreamboat Blaine, angry-singing for St. Gay Of Lima because he's still pissed off over the fact that Sebastian The Predatory Homosexual nearly blinded him with rock salt, and Dave Karofsky, preparing to kill himself in his tastefully-appointed garret bedroom because someone said something mean about him on Facebook. And after devoting far too much thought to it all, I can quite confidently say this: I don't give a shit. About any of it. A character in whom I have no emotional investment attempts to kill himself to the strains of some whiny piece of subpar alternacrap I've never heard before? How the hell am I supposed to do anything but yawn at that? To be honest with you, even yawning involves more effort than I'm willing to expend on this supposedly shocking development, so I'm just gonna skip to the end of the whole thing and note that we enter this evening's first commercial break not knowing if Karofsky actually succeeds in offing himself or not.
And get this: For nearly two full minutes after we return, we still don't know if Karofsky's dead. First, we must endure a scene set in The Lair Of The Maharishi wherein Figgins, Will, Emma, Sue and The Beiste hector us with a tedious lecture on the perils of suicide contagion, and then we've got to wander through most of a hastily-called meeting of The God Squad before anyone confirms that Karofsky's still alive. Thanks, New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name I Can't Remember!
By the way, at one point during the above, we cut over to a quick shot of the moment Karofsky's agonized father stumbled upon the mostly-dead Dave, and yes, I immediately thought to myself, "He really loves his dead gay son, doesn't he?" Which was a very bad thing for me to do, I have come to accept and understand, because it made me realize I'd much rather watch Heathers again than sit through the rest of this episode.
In any event, St. Gay Of Lima eventually wanders into The God Squad meeting uninvited to climb back up on his cross, whereupon he proceeds to shit all over everything Quinn's been through in the last two and a half years. Classy. He also admits he feels responsible for Karofsky's suicide attempt because he ignored all of the nine calls Karofsky sent to his product-placed iPhone over the last couple of days. Mercedes makes everything better, though, by announcing her plan to send an Edible Arrangement to Karofsky's hospital room. Might I suggest the SpongeBob Bikini Bottom Bouquet? It does come in a highly collectible SpongeBob container, after all.