On My Way

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 5 USERS: B-
F Me Gently With A Chainsaw

Meanwhile, out in the hall, Frankenteen lumbers over to Idiot Rachel at her locker to apologize for his role in their earlier spat and, after they assure each other they won't be killing themselves anytime soon, they decide to push up the date of their deeply stupid wedding, because Karofsky's suicide attempt has made them suddenly realize that life is for the living, or something. Whatever, you tiresome, self-obsessed morons.

The Lima Bean. Santana, Brit-Brit, Dreamboat Blaine, and St. Gay Of Lima arrive for a prearranged meeting called by Sebastian The Predatory Homosexual, the latter of whom apologizes to Dreamboat Blaine for an incident I still have yet to witness because Michael Jackson raped little boys (allegedly), after which Sebastian promises never to release the Photoshopped images of Frankenteen. Oh, and he's also convinced Dalton Academy to contribute heavily to little Steffi Germanotta's latest and most cynically opportunistic brand extension, despite the fact there's already a perfectly good preexisting charitable organization that's been devoting itself to the same issue for the last fourteen goddamned years. Why this sudden change of heart on Sebastian's part, I'm sure I hear you ask?

Smash to a Scandals flashback in which Sebastian calls Karofsky a heifer. With a tragic eyebrow situation. Which is not exactly untrue, but I suspect I'm missing the point.

Back in the present, Sebastian The Predatory Homosexual spouts a platitude I'll not be bothering to transcribe, and with that, we head back over to...

...The April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, where Mr. Schue has gathered New Directions in a nurturing sharing circle upon the stage, and because the first part of the interminable scene that follows involves The Leprechaun, I'll be ignoring it.

And because the second part of the scene involves St. Gay Of Lima moaning something martyrlicious while clad in a pair of black and white-striped pirate pants, I'll be ignoring that as well.

And because the third part of the scene involves the ever-useless Mr. Schue talking about the time he tried to kill himself because he got caught cheating on a fucking math test, for Christ's sake, I'll be ignoring that bit, too, THANKS, and are we done here? Oh, we're not? First we have to listen as the children tell us what they're looking forward to in life? Well, fuck you, Glee, because I don't give a shit. Isn't this supposed to be the Regionals episode? Why are they not rehearsing? Why haven't we had a musical number in ten minutes? WHERE'S THE GODDAMNED SINGING?

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