...the music room so we can watch New Directions' final preparations, which seem to consist solely of Frankenteen and Idiot Rachel announcing to the group at large that their asinine wedding will now be taking place immediately following that afternoon's award ceremony.
And when we return from this evening's third commercial break, we jump right into McKinley High's performance set, and...wow. Underwhelming in the extreme. It opens with medley of Nicki Minaj's "Fly" and notorious urination aficionado R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly," and when this first bit isn't busy being jaw-droppingly awful -- that would be the part where Dreamboat Blaine "raps" -- it's busy being boring as hell. I realize it probably doesn't help that I'm not a fan of the original songs at all, but still. You'd think they'd figure out a way to surprise us with an unexpected arrangement, or some innovative staging, or something -- I mean, come on, people: This is Regionals we're talking about. Step it the fuck up! -- and yet what they end up giving us has little more substance to it than that dry-ice fog that's now rolling across the floor. And to think I was excited I'd be getting all of the competition episodes this season. Sigh.
Once that initial assault on the audience's ability to remain awake ends, the fun-loving gals of Idina Menzel's now-defunct yet still-nurturing lady-choir assume control of the stage -- much as they were promised nearly three months ago, natch -- to offer us their version of Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger," and while it's far and away the best performance we've seen yet this evening, that's not saying much at all considering what the other options have been thus far.
And as that's pretty much all I have to say about that, I'll move on to New Directions' final offering, which is a Rachel-dominated cover of Halestorm's as-yet-unreleased "Here's To Us," and the best thing I can say about it is that it is firmly dedicated to being as inoffensive as possible. I think the precious twelve-year-olds this show is now obviously catering to are going to be in for a terrible, terrible shock once they get an earful of the song's original lyrics. They really have turned this into a primetime broadcast version of Kidz Bop, haven't they?