And when all of the crushing disappointments and sorely missed opportunities have at long last reached their conclusion, and after we zip through this evening's fourth commercial break, a team of strapping young show-choir roadies wheels Svengoobles out in his oversized coffin to announce the results.
Unsurprisingly, New Directions wins, with The Swallows in second and Our Lady Of Perpetual Sorrow bringing up the rear. [Note: And the third place teams gets EXCITED about coming in third! They clap, cheer and hug when they find out they're last place! -- RS.] Before the Glee Clubbers can react to the news of their good fortune, though, the action grinds down into extreme slow motion to indicate Impending Afterschool Special-Levels Of Adolescent Joy And Euphoria, even though half the cast is rapidly approaching its late twenties, and the other half will never see its late twenties ever again. I'm also pretty sure I'm supposed to be getting all misty-eyed over how young and exuberant and full of promise they all are, and isn't it a good thing none of them have ever killed themselves, and aren't we all so very glad no one's taken it upon himself to pepper The April Rhodes Pavilion right now with a delightful spray of machine-gun fire in order to slaughter them all? Yeah: Not happening, not really, and no.
Afterwards, Quinn steps into Coach Sylvester's office at the apparent behest of the improbably knocked-up lady she finds therein, and long story short, recent events -- along with massive injections of pregnancy-preserving bovine hormones -- have led Coach Sylvester to reconsider her earlier position regarding Quinn's request to rejoin the Cheerios. To that end, she presents Quinn with a personalized box containing the latter's old uniform, and Quinn vows, "You're not gonna regret this -- I'm gonna win us a national championship!" We'll just see about that, missy.
Moments later, Quinn's sashaying through the McKinley High halls, her Cheerios carwash skirt all a-flutter, eliciting admiring remarks from the just-passing Dreamboat Blaine as she hustles to catch up with Idiot Rachel. Quinn's changed her mind about Idiot Rachel's asinine nuptials, you see, and with a broad, warm smile on her face, she asks if she's still invited to the wedding. Idiot Rachel beams, all giddy and such, and the two embrace, so I guess that's a yes. Of course, this heartfelt little exchange would have made a hell of a lot more sense had they chosen to retain a deleted scene in which Quinn quite awesomely told Idiot Rachel that marrying Frankenteen was a stupid, awful, evil decision that Idiot Rachel would come to regret for the rest of her sure-to-be-wretched life, but we can't have everything, I suppose.